We rank the best (and worst) DESSERTS

10.02.2023 0 By admin

Hey, I’m Grump! I’m not so Grump! And we’re the Game Grumps! I love it when the mic is on my lips! Ooh, the mic is on my lips! Ooh! I love the feeling of the mic is on my lips.

Ooh! Well, the show definitely started.

Hello! And welcome to Game Grumps.

Uh, as we said in the, um, ice cream uh, tier list, it’s the last recording session before our Christmas break.

We’re losing our minds.

Arin seems to be playing the Advil container as if it were maracas.

We finished talking about ice cream for 45 minutes and there wasn’t even a question of, like, what to do next.

Arin just went to, like, more desserts and was like, this is what we’re doing now.

And then we watched Obama soda, like, seven times.

Obama.

Soda! Okay, so, here we go.

Let’s do it! Desserts! We got a lot of desserts to get through, Dan.

We got a lot of desserts to tear through, baby! This is gonna be, this is gonna be rough for me because I feel like, I feel like I’m gonna get yelled at a lot.

Because these types of desserts are, like, they’re not generally what I go for.

You know, just, just roll with it.

I will, I will.

Just, just.

Just don’t sass me, buddy.

I’m not gonna sass you.

Okay, your eyebrows went up, as if to say you are definitely getting sassed.

But.

That was one of the sassiest looks you’ve ever given me.

All right, all right, I’m just looking through real quick to make sure I’d, like, know what all these are.

Yes.

Because I’m like, I think that’s what that is, and then I’m trying to look at the other ones, and, yeah, that’s what that is, okay.

Okay.

First one.

Macaroons.

Macaroons.

Macaroons.

Macaroons.

Yeah, because macaroons are the coconut one, right? Yes, they’re a different thing.

Little Appalachian Mountain, little Everest.

Yes, these things are delicious.

However, I can only eat one before feeling, like, super sick.

Like, whatever you just did there with that burp, like, the look on your face afterwards, that’s how I feel after a single macaron.

I think they’re just okay.

I’d say B.

Okay.

I mean, we’re talking about in the grand scheme of desserts, right, it’s like, a dessert is S here all the time, because it’s after the meal, and you’re like, oh, hell yeah, dessert.

We’re talking, like, in this category, there’s gotta be a D tier, right? Like, there’s gotta be one that just sucks.

Sure, sure.

Compared to everything else.

They’re relative to each other, is what you’re saying.

Exactly.

Yes.

So, macaroons, I would say are B.

That’s fine by me.

I like that.

Startin’ it off, middle of the road.

Nice.

This is an ice cream cake.

Okay, well, that’s very good.

You like ice cream cake? Yeah, I like ice cream cake.

I feel like it’s, I feel like, I feel like it’s very hit or miss.

Okay.

But I will say, it is fuckin’ delicious.

Yup.

A? I don’t know if it’s S tier.

Yeah, I’d say A tier.

Yeah, A feels right.

I’d go A tier.

Nice.

Because it’s, is it, the question here is, is it better than just getting cake and a scoop of ice cream? I’d say no.

Convenience-wise, I’d say it has, like, one point out of 50 more.

Here’s the thing for me.

When I was a kid, Carvel had Fudgie the Whale.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which is, it was like the holy grail of childhood dessert foods.

Cookie Puss.

Cookie Puss, less so.

But Cookie Puss was also an incredible delight.

Yeah.

Fudgie the Whale was a whale, man.

Like, he was adorable.

Didn’t he have a little pfft comin’ out of his head? Like a blow, like a spouting something? I can’t remember clearly.

Oh, is this gonna be like one of them Mandela effect things? I, yeah.

It’s like, everybody says that Cookie, he’s got a spout, but he doesn’t, he never did.

I’ll pull up a Fudgie the Whale picture, cause I would like to look at him again.

I say that he does have a spout.

Okay, I’m gonna say that he doesn’t, cause I don’t remember that.

Okay.

And I don’t know what they’d make it out of.

Cake, I don’t know.

Fudgie the Whale.

No, he’s just got a big ol’ whale head.

Fuck! All right.

All right, let me ask you this, Dan.

Yes.

Pillsbury Doughboy, what color is- Smash or pass? What color is his ascot? Blue, right? Allie, what color is his ascot? Or is it white? It’s white.

It’s white.

It is white.

Aaron got me with this a while ago.

Yeah, I suddenly like rethought about it, and I was like, no, this is a trick question.

Why did I think it was blue? Everybody thinks it’s blue.

Cause the boxes and the set, it’s all blue, right? Honestly, it might be because of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Oh, is he a blue ascot? Mr.

Stay Puft.

Wow.

Yeah.

Okay.

I just thought of something that could never hurt us.

Mr.

Stay Puft.

Well, he did.

Ray’s gone bye-bye.

Is this just a- Okay, this is just a cupcake.

The concept of a cupcake.

Dan, your thoughts? The concept of a cupcake is, I mean, it’s great.

Cupcakes are fucking awesome.

Sometimes they can be too much.

Sometimes they really suck.

Mr.

Stay Puft had the blue ascot.

Or like whatever you’d call this little piece of clothing.

The necker, the neckerchief.

Yeah, it’s obvious cupcake to cupcake, but that’s an A.

Of course that’s an A.

Yeah, I’d say a cupcake is an A, baby.

All right, perfect.

Not quite an S.

I don’t think I’ve ever had an S to your cupcake.

That’s not true, I have.

There’s a place called Nadia Cakes in Palmdale, California.

And their cupcakes are S tier.

But other than that- I don’t think I’ve ever had an S to your cupcake.

Wait, that’s a lie.

Fuck you for suggesting otherwise.

All right.

It’s like, do I even need to be here? Cinnamon bun, sticky bun, whatever you wanna call it.

Yeah, I don’t like cinnamon.

Cinnamon roll.

That’s right, you don’t.

I don’t like cinnamon.

I mean, I get that to an extent, but fucking cinnamon rolls, sticky buns.

This shit is God’s gift to man.

Well, it does combine several of your interests, which are cinnamon, delicious cake substance, and the feeling of what it must be like to be jizzed on.

So this is all you, man, I can understand.

I have to, honestly, I have to say, it’s probably S tier for me.

I mean, there are bad ones.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Disney and gotten their house made.

They’re terrible.

Why would I do that? Well, I don’t know.

They sell them there.

Yeah, but I don’t like cinnamon.

Dude, I’m just saying.

Why would I go to Disneyland and be like, what could I get that will ruin my experience and make me feel sick for a while? Maybe there was a time where you ate cinnamon.

I don’t know.

Yeah, you know, all right.

It’s certainly like, again, this falls into the category of just like not what I’m into, but it’s certainly not gross, you know? It’s like, you put it wherever you want.

It’s S tier.

My little petunia.

It’s S tier.

Okay.

I’m sorry.

Don’t be sorry.

There’s nothing to apologize for.

A really good moist cinnamon roll with a lot of jizzy sugar cum on it is just the tops, man.

It’s the fucking tops.

You can’t beat it.

Elephant deer.

I can just picture you like covered in cinnamon rolls with a cigarette in one hand.

It’s been quite an afternoon.

Dude, it’s the only dessert where like I can eat like a whole giant cinnamon roll and I don’t feel like garbage afterwards.

You don’t? Well, I’m sure I will at some point, but like with cake, for example, I’ll eat a slice and then I’m like, oh, like right away.

But the cinnamon, it’s so good.

The euphoric flavor kind of goes over the rest of it.

It’s just warm and it’s doughy and it’s, oh, it’s the best.

Man, we are ready for the holidays.

Hell yeah.

We’re just like, this is food porn.

What is that, a funnel cake? Yeah, a funnel cake slash elephant deer slash whatever you wanna call it.

I’ve never seen one with chocolate on it.

No? No, the funnel cakes I’ve gotten have been- She’s usually just powdered sugar.

Yeah, down on the Jersey shore on the boardwalk.

Well, just the concept of funnel cake.

It doesn’t have to have chocolate on it.

That’s probably a B or an A.

It’s very good.

It’s very good.

Yeah.

It’s unique.

If it were more common, would you eat a lot more of it? Probably not.

Yeah, same.

Yeah, I think it’s like something you get at the fair.

Yeah, and it’s special.

Yeah, exactly.

Keep it special.

It’s not amazing, but it’s amazing because you’re at the fair.

I agree.

It’s got those good feelings associated.

Whoops.

All right.

Bro, we don’t have time for schlatt’s cereal list.

Couldn’t even speak that.

I’m gonna go with A.

Okay.

Cause it’s great.

Yeah, yeah.

Crap.

It’s a crepe, yeah.

That would be S tier for me.

Really? Those are amazing.

An S tier? Yeah, yeah.

What’s your favorite? Like a chocolate filled crepe, just like that.

Cause it’s like.

Not Nutella? Yeah, man, frigging, I don’t know.

It might just be because I’ve only had them in like, when they’ve been made by like, some kind of crepe specialist, you know? Uh-huh, uh-huh.

It’s not something you get like at the supermarket.

No, no, no, no.

It’s always in a restaurant or.

Yeah.

Yeah, so that’s really up there for me, probably S.

Oh.

I might have to agree with you on that.

Nice.

Cause I got, I just, I got the most crepes that I’ve ate in my life have eaten.

The most crepes that I have eaten in my life were in Japan, which is my favorite place in the world.

The most crepes that I will ate in my life, it’s like, how many tenses can I possibly get in one sentence? Yeah, dude, it’s always special.

It’s always like some good spot.

Same kind of idea.

All the crepe places in Japan are pretty dang good.

I’m sure.

Awesome.

Dipped pretzels.

Pretzels doped in mustard.

This is a bit of a curve ball.

So I don’t really ever, if you had to have, if I had to list you like desserts, and then they were like, but you have to go broad, I still wouldn’t put these on here.

So, but they are delicious.

They’re delicious and I like them cause they’re low impact.

Yeah.

Like you can just grab one and munch it and like, that was nice.

But whereas some of these others are like, you have to fucking sit down and eat them like it’s something to do, you know? God, you’re so right.

That is such a good argument for dipped pretzels.

Yeah.

I gotta say.

Probably B or A.

Oh man, I’m kind of going A for that.

Sure, sure.

I mean, dude, that is the most brilliant argument.

Thank you.

For anything that you’ve ever made on these tier lists.

I’m very touched.

That’s so good.

Cool.

Cause I was gonna go like, you know, it’s like a B, but like just your argument just fucking fully brought it up for me.

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All right, sweet, debate club.

Holy cannoli.

I always think these are gonna be better than they are.

Like they look so good and then I taste one, I’m like, that wasn’t quite what I hoped it would be.

I’ve had that experience a bunch of times.

Damn, yo.

And you grew up like near the area where there’d be a lot of cannolis.

Hey, a cannoli.

Yeah, yeah, that’s true, that’s true.

It’s an Italian delicacy and I grew up in a Jewish Italian neighborhood.

I will say cannolis are a rarity.

You don’t often see them in like a regular grocery store bakery or something.

You usually get them at like a deli or you know, an Italian place.

I grew up, my grandfather was Italian, first generation.

So we had, we always had cannolis every year on Christmas.

Right.

And they were like top tier cannolis.

I mean, it’s gonna be hard to beat that.

So in my mind, cannolis are like, that’s the shit, man.

Dude.

That’s the tops.

And if you get a, if you find a good one, if you go to fucking, what the hell is that place called? Nova in the North, North End, Boston? I don’t know it.

Is it called Nova? Bova, Bova’s.

Okay.

Bova’s, North End, Boston.

If you’ve been there, you know, it’s open 24 hours.

They have fucking banger ass cannolis.

All right, all right.

And I’m gonna say S tier.

Okay, yeah.

Put in an S for synonymous with Christmas joy.

Exactly.

Cheesecake.

Cheesecake.

You’re gonna think I’m throwing shade at cheesecake.

I’m not.

For me, it would be a C because cheesecake in general, like the idea of it is not my thing.

Like I don’t, like I don’t eat cheese as like a dessert thing, but for what it is, it’s excellent.

It’s just not my personal favorite.

Expound.

All right, I feel like I just said everything there is to say, but I could say it in another way.

Yeah, say it in another way.

Okay.

If I had, if I think of dessert, if I think of things I love dessert-wise.

Sure.

Chocolate comes to mind, marshmallow, you know, ice cream, popsicles, stuff like that.

Yeah.

What does not come to mind is cheese.

Apple pie is the same kind of thing, like cause apple is just not dessert-y in my mind.

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I’m telling you this is how my brain works.

And yet, when I’ve had cheesecake, I’m like, wow, that’s really good.

It’s just not like, like I just like all the other stuff as dessert more than that.

I’m glad you expounded, because that made way more sense to me.

Did it really? Yeah.

Oh good, I feel like I just said the exact same thing.

No, maybe you did, and I’m just an idiot, but.

It’s fine.

I’m with you, actually.

Really? I had a cheesecake phase, where I was just like crazy about cheesecake.

I was like, hell yeah, I wanna try them all.

But, I think it’s, I just think it’s too much.

I think it’s way too heavy.

I feel like you could cut it in half, and it would still be too much.

Yeah, like one bite goes a long way.

It’s so fucking rich.

Yeah.

So I’m gonna go with C.

Perfect.

Yeah, it’s just like, stop.

And you know what it is too? Cheesecake Factory has ruined cheesecakes.

And it’s not because their cheesecakes are bad necessarily.

It’s just because they mass market them through the factory.

Just, sorry.

Maybe, you could make the argument, one could make the argument.

They flooded the cheesecake market.

When you order anything from Cheesecake Factory, first of all, their menu is a fucking phone book.

Yes, that’s true.

It’s like a Greek diner.

You order anything, even you get the Skinnylicious menu, where it’s like, I’ll get the Skinnylicious tacos.

They give you like five tacos.

Yeah, they do.

It’s so much food.

It’s like, roll me out of here.

And then, by the end, they’re like, oh yeah, by the way, there’s cheesecakes.

And you’re like, no, no.

And they always guilt you.

They always look at you like, they’re like, okay.

And it’s like, dude, you just gave me like a fucking, starving family’s entire year’s worth of food.

You’re not getting paid by the cheesecake slice.

It pisses me off.

And then, I’m okay.

And then, whenever I get the cheesecake, actually, I take one bite and I’m like, oh fuck, I’m so full.

What have I done? So, my cheesecake experience has been sullied.

Understood, understood.

Brownies are an S for me.

Brownies are an S.

Yeah, I love everything about brownies.

They’re delicious.

They’re chocolate.

They’re like, if they’re super fresh and like, yeah, amazing.

If they’re fucking like a day old and stale, perfect.

Like, just great.

It’ll just be a different kind of amazing experience.

That gross sugary skin on top, fucking give it to me.

I even love Brownie the Elf, the Cleveland Browns seldom used mascot from the 50s, which is a smiling elf with his hands on his hips.

And you’re just like, why is this a football mascot? Can we put up Brownie the Elf, please, editor? Thank you.

I’m having a hard time differentiating what this is from other stuff.

It’s a cake.

This is Brownie the Elf, by the way, Arin.

Oh my God, what a fucking weirdo.

It’s so bizarre.

Get him out of my face.

It’s very, very 50s.

He’s like, don’t look at me, dad.

All right, why- Well, that’s not his famous pose.

I showed you an off-brand Brownie.

That’s not his famous pose.

Hold on.

This is the famous one.

Oh, look at these nuts.

Yeah, that’s more like it.

Okay, here’s the thing.

Okay, it’s like, it’s pumpkin cake, right? Yeah.

Is that what this is? With like- Is it tiramisu? This is fucking- Oh, it’s tiramisu.

What am I thinking, dude? Good job.

This is fucking tiramisu.

Good job, Al.

How could I miso this tiramisu? I just want to note before, well, no, I’ll note it after this.

We’re doing a tiramisu list.

Oh, fuck.

Nevermind.

I think tiramisu has a very wide range of quality.

Yes.

You can get a really, really bad tiramisu and you can get a really, really fantastic tiramisu.

And I know this because I hate coffee.

Tiramisu me with that shit.

Yeah, it’s not my favorite.

So I would put it in B.

That’s cool.

If I liked coffee, it would probably be A or S, honestly.

Sure.

Because a really good tiramisu, like I said, I don’t like chocolate.

Yeah.

And there were some tiramisus.

I had one last night from this place called Blair’s.

Oh yeah, I know Blair’s.

And that shit was awesome.

And I hate tiramisu.

Wow.

I love that you just went on a five minute bender about how tiramisu is gross and weird and you hate it.

And you’re like, I just had one 16 minutes ago and it did nothing for me.

I ate the whole thing.

No, I just had a bite.

Got another one on the way.

All right, okay.

This is what I wanted to say with this one before we move into stuff.

Yep.

Cake? Mm-hmm.

What is this? It’s the same fucking thing.

Wow.

It’s exactly the same thing.

It looks very close.

And I was gonna say maybe the other one’s ice cream, but we already did ice cream cake.

We already did ice cream, yeah.

So let’s just say that’s the same thing.

Sure.

If it was chocolate cake, it would be good, but that type of cake doesn’t really do much for me anymore.

Yeah.

So this is like a fucking straight up birthday funfetti ass cake.

Yeah.

What do you say? That’s more fun when you’re a kid and you’re wrapped up in the colors of it and you’re like, maybe I’ll get a huge glob of frosting and as an adult I’m like, ugh, what are these things? And like, oh no, a huge glob of frosting.

You know? It’s a little too much for me.

I’m with you.

I’m with you on that.

I feel like there are moments where it’s like, oh God, this is amazing.

Sure.

This is what I want.

I want this trashy stuff.

Usually though, a little too dry for me, usually.

Feel like I’m gonna get some cake hate in the comments.

That’s okay, you know? You son of a bitch.

That’s the whole point.

Yeah, not coming down on any cake lovers out there.

There’s not a single tier list that would make everyone happy.

Yeah, you live your life.

Unless it was tiers of letters.

So S would be an S tier.

Wow, way to go.

Smart, smart.

Ice cream.

Ice cream.

I mean, that’s an S, right? That’s kinda an S tier, right? Yeah, yeah.

There’s a whole tier list on it, cause it’s so good.

Dude, it’s so good.

You can’t, it’s just awesome.

Caveat.

Go on.

Store.

What if it’s not that good? Store bought high chemical ice cream that it took a long time to get home and you put it in the fridge and it refreezes and it’s all icy and shit.

That shit sucks.

Not as good.

I won’t even, I’m like, nope, I’ll throw that shit away.

It’s gross.

But you get that fresh ice cream.

Oh, fresh ice cream.

Made right out of the ice cream maker.

Dude, it’s the best.

Okay, cool.

So creamy, so good.

Red velvet.

Red velvet and that little boy smile.

Sorry.

I guess, I don’t know.

Like, it’s good.

B? I would put it.

No, B.

You think it’s better than regular cake? I kind of would put it in A.

Okay.

Yeah.

It’s so, I.

I don’t have anything against it.

There’s a lot of people, okay.

There’s a lot of people.

There is a lot of people.

Who are like, it’s just chocolate and they’re wrong.

It’s not just chocolate.

It’s a different flavor and it’s always paired with cream cheese icing.

Cream cheese icing.

Yeah.

Which is the best icing.

Yeah, yeah.

It’s, that’s actually where it loses me because I’m not into cheese as like sugary cheese flavor.

But yeah, if you want to put it in A, like if you put it in front of me, I’ll eat it no problem.

A.

Good job.

This here looks, it looks nice so far.

It does look nice.

It’s a lot of desserts.

Yes.

I would go s’mores.

Do you want me to like call a doctor, Arin? Do you smell burnt toast? What is happening over there? I don’t know where my brain went, man.

It’s just like, literally like, meanwhile, in another sentence.

We’re just filling in gaps of words, you know? It’s like one of those games where you’re like, and then you like put it in the sentence.

It’s just like wrong one.

S’mores are way up there.

You, okay, so here’s the thing.

When we were talking about, what was it? Was it funnel cake or was it cinnamon buns? Fuck, I don’t remember what we were talking about.

What was the argument? You were talking about a dessert and you were saying like, no, it was cheesecake.

You were talking about, these are the categories of dessert that I think of.

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And you were saying chocolate, marshmallows.

And I was like, man, you must really like s’mores.

I do.

S’mores are good.

S’mores are the most consistent out of any dessert on here.

Yeah, sure, because you’re always getting pretty much the same brand of graham crackers.

The exact same ingredients every time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you’re probably getting those like big puffy white marshmallows that, yeah, and they’re another one like funnel cake where if you’re eating s’mores, you’re probably already having a good time.

Out at a campfire.

Yeah, something like that.

Hanging out with friends.

Even the microwave s’more, that’s good too.

And that’s the other thing.

They’re probably the only thing on this list that you’re almost always making yourself.

And so like there’s a fun part of that too.

God, you’re so right.

You have such good insight on this dessert list.

I’m very like flattered.

I feel great about myself.

Thanks, man.

It’s between A and S for me.

Cool.

I don’t think it’s quite S.

A is perfect.

A is really good.

But it’s like a high A.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think it’s the highest of any of these.

Put it in front of the ice cream cake.

That way we know.

Yeah.

Okay, perfect.

It’s so close to A.

It’s fucking, it’s like touching the, it’s like oh, please, please, grab my hand.

Grab my hand.

This is sherbet, oh, it’s Italian ice.

Italian ice is awesome.

It is really good.

Yeah, it’s delicious on the top and the weird gooeyness at the bottom is also delicious in a completely different way.

Yeah.

That’s another A.

Like all this stuff is really good.

I’m gonna go, yeah, I agree, A.

Awesome.

Yep.

Love to hear it.

Same thing with Rice Krispie Treats.

You think they’re an A.

Yeah, I think they’re way up there.

I think they’re amazing.

They’re the other one that like you make them at home or you can buy them pre-made but, well, here’s the thing, like, a tray of Rice Krispie Treats that like your friend’s mom made, holy shit.

Like you’re on a new planet of joy and happiness.

But like the Rice Krispies brand ones that come in the little like freeze-dried package, like those aren’t that great.

So, yeah, so it depends on which kind we’re talking about.

But assuming we’re talking about homemade, they’re phenomenal.

I agree and I kind of forgot about that aspect of it to be honest with you, the homemade.

I know there’s a lot of people that put like peanut butter in them.

There’s a lot of fun shit you can do with Rice Krispies A tier, that’s appropriate.

Yeah, for sure.

If we’re talking about the Rice Krispies fucking wrapped up shit, that’s like C, man.

For sure, for sure.

Donuts.

Go ahead.

Me? Sure, you go first.

Do you have a lot to say? No, I have very little to say actually.

So I would like to hear your feelings.

I feel like there’s a lot of variety with donuts.

You can get jelly filled, you can get regular.

It’s always, I have never had, okay, that’s not true.

I rarely have the breakfast experience with donuts.

Donuts are always late night for me because in LA there’s some fucking donut war that’s going on where there’s just all these donut places and they’re just like vying for your donut attention and they’re making these fucking crazy ass cereal donuts with cookie butter and shit and they’re all delicious.

They’re so good and it’s, I don’t know, it’s up there.

It’s a maybe S for me.

Interesting, a little bit less for me.

Although I will say there are places that make those special ones where you’re like, damn, this is good.

Yeah.

And this is probably just the old fogey adult in me talking but I try not to eat a lot of sugar because at this point in my life it makes me crash and feel not great after I eat it.

So if I’m gonna eat a dessert, it’s gotta be really good to make it worth the not great feelings that will follow and I don’t get that from donuts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I’m like, that’s good, it tastes good but my day isn’t changed.

I won’t think back and be like, oh, that donut though.

Ooh, that donut though.

Yeah.

So it’s more of a B for me.

Damn, yo.

Yeah, for me, a real simple donut.

A cake donut, a cruller, glazed donut, that’s all I need.

Let’s put it in A then.

I’m gonna put it in B.

Okay, wow, all right.

Because I feel like there’s a lot of other arguments you can make for it and you’re making a very compelling argument.

It does feel like the stuff in A is a step above a donut.

Oh yeah, yeah, agreed.

Cool.

Maybe, maybe, you know, actually, red velvet.

Oh, well, well, well, well, how the mighty have fallen.

I think so.

I think the mighty have fallen indeed.

I don’t know what the fuck this is.

I think it’s fudge.

I don’t know either.

I don’t trust it.

Maybe some kind of fudge.

Isn’t that fudge three over from that? This is fudge, yes.

That is fudge.

You’re so right.

That is straight fudge.

So this is like ganache or like? I don’t know, but I put it in B.

It looks good, but.

I actually put it in C.

Put it in C, boom.

It’s too decadent, too decadent.

Key word, decay.

Oh, wow.

Decadent means it’s so good, you’re willing to hurt yourself to have it.

Yeah.

Banana split.

I’m not a huge fan.

Me neither.

Yeah? Me neither.

I don’t like put bananas in like the cheese and apple category of like this doesn’t feel like dessert for me.

I am kind of with you on that.

Yeah.

Just, and I don’t agree with that mentality in general because I think apples are a great dessert, right? Right.

But anytime that bananas are put in something, I don’t like it.

Well, cause like for me at least, a banana by itself is great cause it’s sweet and delicious.

But when you’re putting it up against like refined sugars and like other like stuff that’s much sweeter, it just, it tastes less good and I don’t love the consistency to begin with.

Super mushy.

Yeah, so that might be a D for me.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

Okay, I will fight that war for you.

Thanks, man.

D, that’s our first D.

Wow, and this cake gets a D too for being an imposter.

Yeah, fuck this cake.

This cake’s like, this cake’s trying too hard.

This cake’s just like, I’m a cake, but this one’s like, it’s kind of, there’s, it’s like cropped down here.

That cake is sus.

There’s like party shit going on over here.

It’s a sussy baka.

Yeah.

There’s no question about it.

Looks like we got a pastor among us.

Don’t lie to me, Walt, you sussy baka.

Fudge.

The first bite is an A.

Every other bite is like a C, you know what I mean? Does that make sense? I would say C all around.

Okay, that’s fine by me.

It’s way too much.

It’s so much.

It’s like the density of a star.

It’s like, you can’t pack more everything into those.

That’s why it’s like tiny cubes.

It’s like if you put other desserts in a trash compactor and just like, you know, and then they’re like, eat this.

Boom, just condensed sugar.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pie.

Is that an apple pie, I’m guessing? It’s just pie in general.

I mean, same thing with cake, right? Like it’s.

I mean, geez, that’s way too big a category.

Well, I guess there’s pumpkin pie here, but yeah, yeah.

So I guess like a fruit pie.

Yeah, B or C for me.

Really? Well, cause I’m not that into the fruits.

That’s right, you fucking keep saying that.

Yeah, yeah, it’s like, what am I, a mirage? Like fucking listen.

I’m just kidding.

Well, I guess just cause I just feel like it’s a different, an apple pie? Apple pie is good.

I, you know, like as much as I’ve talked trash, cherry pie doesn’t do anything for me.

Okay.

But it’s, it’s just not my favorite.

It’s certainly good though.

All of this is good.

I’m gonna ask for an override on this one.

Please do.

I feel like a good fruit pie is just fucking transcendent.

Like if a grandma put that in front of me and was like, I made this with love for you.

I’d be like S tier, you know? Like of course, look at it, it’s beautiful.

Just in space, it’s not much for me.

Okay, I’ll split the difference and go A.

Cool.

With you.

Churros.

Those are like cinnamon sticks? Yes.

Yeah, that’s like, that’s the opposite of what I’m into.

Mostly, most churros I’ve had have been stale.

And all like artisanal churros I’ve had have been way too much.

So I kinda don’t, I’m not big into churros.

D? Whoa.

Oh shit.

Send your churro hate mail to Game Grumps P.

O.

Box.

Fuck you.

Just kidding.

Oh man, that’s funny.

I’m just trying to think if there’s ever been like a really, yeah, I feel like there was one churro where it was like warm, just made, and it was just like, mm, because it’s got that kind of funnel cakey doughy.

I’m sure, like any of these, I’m sure under the right circumstances, like if it was a homemade churro by whatever ethnicity it comes from, like I’m sure it’d be amazing, you know? But yeah, I don’t know.

Chocolate chip cookies.

Well.

Or I guess just cookies in general.

Yeah, there’s also a big variety with these, you know? That’s S for me.

Yeah, probably.

Cookies are just, I mean, fresh out of the oven, and you wait 30 minutes.

Well that sounds.

Kind of warm.

That sounds amazing.

Yeah.

If we’re talking those cookies.

Dude, even fucking like three day old cookies, as long as they were made by a loving individual.

Well, that’s what I’m saying.

These cookies could easily be like out of a factory.

They’re not.

You know? All right.

They’re not.

I’m sorry, have you hung out with these cookies? Did you, do you have a long history with that picture? We haven’t said anything about, we’re talking about fucking sticky buns.

I didn’t mention Cinnabon once, Cinnabon once.

Yeah, that’s true, that is true.

All right, fair enough.

We’re talking about top shelf fucking, this is the shit.

Hell yes.

Well, in that case, I’m right there with you.

Cause cheesecake is always like top tier, right? Like it’s usually made by artisans.

Like, I mean, just, you had me like two minutes ago, stop pummeling me into the ground.

Well you started saying like, I don’t know, what if they’re store bought? Well, yeah.

They’re not.

You.

Just cut to the outside of our building and see my body getting thrown through the window.

They’re not.

Cut.

Oh man.

All right, pumpkin pie.

I don’t, I don’t like it.

Oh bro.

Yeah.

Oh.

I’m sorry, but we’ll.

This is the deepest chasm for us.

Like as friends.

Yeah, this is going to hurt us, man.

No, like I don’t, I don’t think it’s disgusting and I don’t like look down on people who like it.

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I just, again, it fall, it’s in line with everything else I said about like fruit stuff.

Oh.

Is it pumpkin or fruit? I guess.

I don’t even know.

Yeah, I guess it must be.

Wow.

It’s not a vegetable.

It’s a gourd.

Gourd.

But are gourds fruits? Gourd.

Gourdy.

Hold on.

Fuck.

I got to look up is a pumpkin a fruit.

But it’s so far removed from, I mean, it’s like a paste.

Like it’s not, it’s not like you’re eating like a piece of pumpkin.

This is like pureed.

I guess you’re right.

Hold on.

I wrote is pumpkin a fruit in Google maps.

I don’t know why don’t you ask Google.

It’s just like scrambling.

It’s like, um, what does he mean? I don’t know.

Does he want pumpkins? A pumpkin is a fruit.

Oh, okay.

It’s just a straight up fruit.

Damn.

All right.

According to expert Joe Masabney PhD.

Thank God.

Which I guess stands for pumpkin having degree.

Specifically speaking, a pumpkin is a fruit simply because anything that starts from a flower is botanically a fruit.

Oh, that’s interesting.

I didn’t know that.

Wait, so, so cucumbers are fruit? I guess it is.

And it has seeds in it too.

Holy crap.

What? Yeah.

Cause they’re flowers that need to be pollinated.

You’re blowing my mind right now.

Yeah, I guess carrots, they just grow in the ground.

Yup.

Oh, shit.

Holy shit.

Uh, okay.

Well, pumpkin pie, I’ll paint.

Put it wherever you want.

I don’t.

Cause I guarantee your passion for loving it is stronger than my like, meh.

Where would you put it? I’m curious.

Probably C.

God, I want to kill you.

Wow.

Yeah, all right, cool.

Pumpkin pie is so fucking good.

All right.

It’s S for me.

Okay, okay.

It’s a high S for me.

It’s fine.

Holy fuck.

I’m just looking at this S tier.

What do you think of cinnabons? I hate them.

S tier.

Cannoli’s not for me.

S.

I haven’t really taken the wheel on this one.

It’s okay, it’s okay.

Jeez, man.

All right.

Okay, just candy.

Yeah, candy I’m like less and less on as time goes on.

I agree.

Yeah, so probably C.

Yeah, I’m cool with that.

Cool.

Candy can suck my fucking dick.

Well then.

Froyo.

Frozen yogurt, I really like it.

I just like ice cream and sorbet more.

Dude, honestly, I feel like that fucking like 2011 phase of froyo where it was like Pinkberry and like Yogurtland and like.

Menchie and all those.

It was just so, and I was just eating it all the time.

I’m still burned out.

Wow.

And it’s like 12 years later.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You wanna say B or C? Probably B.

Yeah.

It’s still very good.

B’s reasonable.

Yeah.

If you just get like a really nice, if you go to Pinkberry and you just get the classic tart Pinkberry froyo and you just put, I don’t know, a little piece of fruit or a little crunchy something, it’s fucking great.

Agreed.

Popsicles.

These popsicles I frickin’ love.

Yeah? Yeah, I love them.

Okay.

And I realize that must go against everything I’ve said about like fruit flavoring and stuff, but.

Well, no, cause you’re talking more about like.

The actual fruit.

Yeah, like cutting up the fruit and putting it in the dessert.

Yeah, this is just like sugar water frozen.

I just, I love these.

I’ll, I, I can’t help it.

I just, I wanna spend time with them.

It’s S for me.

This is fucking like Romeo and Juliet.

I just, I love them.

I can’t help it.

I don’t care if it tears this family apart.

Yeah, it’s tears.

Cool.

Classic, it’s fucking refreshing.

It’s such a.

Great on a summer day.

Yeah, it’s such a different kind of dessert love than I have for like crepes, you know? But it is, it is just wonderful.

It’s, you know what it does? It provides an emotional state.

Yeah, for sure.

Cause every dessert is like, it’s heavy and it’s after a meal or whatever and it’s like, it’s like, oh, this is a lot but it’s really tasty.

Popsicles, they’re just, they’re so, they’re light.

Yup.

You know, and it’s, and you’re like out in the world and it’s like, well, we’re throwing a Frisbee around.

Hey, I got a Popsicle.

It’s like, oh, fuck yeah.

And you’re just like, oh, God damn it.

My dad knows every time I go back to the East Coast to visit my parents, the first thing my dad says is like, I got you the Popsicles, a box of Popsicles and the Kedem Tea Biscuits.

And I’m like, I love you.

And then I spend the next five days just, just devouring.

I’m like, both.

Just sucking down on fucking Popsicles.

Yeah, I’m like, oh, the Popsicle’s so delicious.

And then, oh, but the Kedem Tea Biscuits then like, soak up the Popsicle and then like, I eat the Tea Biscuits and I’m like, I’m thirsty again but I don’t have another Popsicle.

It’s a vicious cycle.

I can’t help it.

Yeah, I can’t help it.

Oh man, I don’t know what that is.

This is cookie dough.

Oh, oh.

This is straight cookie dough.

Well, I love cookie dough but I wouldn’t put like, the sprinkles or the white chocolate chips on there.

Yeah, I don’t, this situation, that’s too much.

Yeah.

If it’s just like, sugar cookie dough or chocolate chip cookie dough.

Amazing.

I mean, that’s, yeah, that would be almost S tier for me.

Yeah, A or S for sure.

It would be a low S.

A low S.

A B and S.

Low S.

All right, well, let’s put it last on the S.

Like, just a touch above the high A s’mores.

That’s true.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know what, I would put it above s’mores.

This is a nice list.

This is the first tier list I think we’ve ever done where S outnumbers everything else.

Yeah, and it’s like, truly descending.

Yeah, we like desserts apparently.

Is there anything that you would change? Yes, a lot, but you won’t let me.

Oh, right.

All right, okay, we’ll snapshot this.

What would you change? I’d put the Cinnabuns, cannolis, and pumpkin pie into B or C.

Okay, I’ll put them in, I’ll put C, because you don’t like cinnamon, cannolis and B, and because you mentioned you do like them, and pumpkin pie, I’d put in C because you seem to not like it very much.

Yeah, that’s more like, that’s more in line with me as a man.

God, that’s so wrong.

You can put them back up, put them back up.

Look at that, it’s a fucking, it’s a perfect hand.

It’s exactly how a hand is shaped.

I see what you’re saying.

Well.

If you hold it to the side and kind of squint your eyes.

Actually, no, because that means the ring finger’s longer, although some people have longer ring fingers.

Really, than their middle finger? Yeah, it’s genetic.

Wow, that’s weird.

Yeah.

I mean, like I can talk, I’ve got thumbs that look like I smashed them with a hammer.

There’s like a whole chart on like, you know, like people of the world, and it’s like how their hands are shaped.

Huh.

Yeah, it’s pretty cool.

Yeah, well, that’s it for me, but I mean, there are no wrong answers.

Like, I’m sure even under the right circumstances, I could have a Cinnabon, a pumpkin pie slice, and a cannoli put in front of me, and I’d be like, these are amazing.

You know, a banana split in a churro, I think is, no matter what, I think I’m always gonna be like, eh.

Yeah.

So I feel confident about those.

Yep.

And then the cheese, the C is like the too much category.

It’s just, it’s too much.

Put those back up top and give me your final opinion.

What, put the ones that I like up top? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, okay.

So it can be like your list.

Yeah, this is it.

I mean- Oh, that’s it.

Yeah.

Cool.

Well, would I switch anything around? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

Maybe ice cream cake would come down one.

That’s fine.

This is like the cake tier right here.

Yeah, it is.

Look at that.

Yeah, this is it, man.

Yeah, I mean, pretty close, honestly.

We have, with the exception of one or two or three, obvious clear ones.

Yeah.

We pretty much agree on everything.

I gotta take you to Bova’s, dude.

I was gonna, don’t.

No, that’s actually what it’s called.

Really? Yes.

Here, I’ll show you.

Oh, man, that is begging for a Bova’s, he’s nuts joke.

My mental thing went off.

Like, yeah, I’d love to go, no.

Bova’s Boston.

Yeah, Bova’s Bakery.

Wow, look at that.

That does look good.

Yeah, man, 4.

7.

Yeah.

I went there, man.

I was fucking drunk as shit with a couple friends and we rolled in there and we got, because they have like food there, too.

So I think they got like a, what do they call it? The fucking pizza at Calzone.

They had a Calzone because we wanted pizza and that was the only place that had like pizza, roughly.

And I got a cannoli from there and I just like ate it in the store and I was fucking so drunk.

And then I turned to the guy who was like the night shift guy, because it was like 2 a.

m.

or something.

And I was like, this is the best fucking cannoli I’ve ever had in my life.

And he was like, thank you so much.

Thank you.

Wow, taking pride in his work, that’s awesome.

Bless you, I guess, I don’t know.

I don’t know.

Well, thank you for joining us.

Thank you for allowing us to talk about dessert for two days.

Well, who knows, these might be far apart.

They might be, they might be.

But it was certainly what we needed mentally today.

It was a lot of fun.

Yeah, man, right before that holiday vacay.

Is that a giant bottle of Japanese liquor in your hand? What is that? No.

Arin, oh my God, man.

What are you talking about? That’s crazy.

You are out of your mind right now.

Let me take a look at that.

Do you not want me to say what it is? No, you can say whatever it is you want.

It was a gift.

The Totori blended whiskey.

From one of my employees.

The name of the newest distillery, Kureyoshi Distillery, a new wind of whiskey.

Wow.

I love Japanese whiskey.

Yeah, I mean, I’m not a drinker, but this is beautiful looking.

The bottle’s like a work of art.

It’s so clean.

Wow.

Japanese whiskey is like, it’s crisp.

Let’s get fucked up.

I already am.

Are you really? Have you been, oh, is this open? Oh yeah, this has been sipped.

Well then.

I think it’s the last day, man.

I’ll just fucking let loose a little bit.

Okay, this does explain a lot, actually.

Just give me some whiskey.

Why do you think I’ve been so combative? What does it say that I didn’t even think twice about it? There were like moments in this episode where I was like slurring my words.

This is me, you piece of shit.

I fucking love brownies.

All right, we’ll see you later, everyone.

Bye.

Bye.

That is funny.