We kill the train
Hey, I’m Grump! I’m not so Grump! And we’re the Game Grumps! D- Hello everyone.
D- It is time for choo-choo chur chu- chu chu chu ha- Chuck-chu what is it? A- It’s charrrrrrrl- D- Charlie? D- Choo-choo Charles? A- Charles.
D- I think so.
D- Okay, cool.
Uh, so we uh, we realized we got to the very end last time, I think.
We were fighting Charles himself.
And we realized we needed to power up our train Cuz so now we’re just gonna do a bunch of NPC missions and get jacked and kill Charlie.
Let’s do it Aren’t you the new guy who’s come here to work for us? No, I Mean maybe I mean I can’t remember There’s something at the top of these towers that I need and what do you mean King Kong? Don’t worry.
I won’t make you work for free That doesn’t sound weird at all I’m a nice enough guy to pay you.
I’m a nice enough guy to pay you.
You see, Mr.
Warren never told anyone I’m a nice enough guy to pay you.
Of course I’m gonna pay you.
He hasn’t paid us since then our living quarters are atrocious.
You should see the pennies I’m supposed to receive Top it all off none of us miners ever received copies of our pepper work pepper work I suspect my subordinates as much as someone with my status Steady as.
I’m gonna sue the pants off of Warren.
I’m gonna take those pants off.
I’m gonna do stuff with the pants.
I’m gonna stab him with all these plosives.
He takes all his files at the top of these towers.
I could explain how I ascertained this but I doubt it would make sense to you.
I stole them.
Problem is he erected these towers years before we ever started mining and now they are falling apart I’m always erecting towers.
I could scale them myself, but since you’re here go sniff around for those files You can have one of my useless pieces of scrap.
I bet you’d love to have it.
Oh shut up Shut the fuck up.
Oh, let’s go.
Oh, let’s go Where am I headed? Oh right there? That’s right.
He wants me to go to the top of the towers hmm.
How do I do something like that? How would I even do so hello? Good day.
Maybe I’ll go inside and get a little bit of this a ski wrap nice.
Here’s another piece of ski wrap Yeah, you need as much ski wrap as you can find.
I’m gonna find a little ski wrap.
Don’t jump for it.
You think? I mean like that’s it.
I remember you like had a tiny little Nibbly jump, and you died immediately I think I got you bro.
Really? Yeah, I think I got a like dangle on the fence and Whoops Fuck yeah, bro.
Yeah, yeah this What what’s the what’s the music for sir Charlie around I Don’t think he can get you when you he’s you’re not on train track.
I’ll be so fucking cool if you could though Like aesthetically they’re going to drive a train into the white house Do you remember that Ali G episode where he asked the terrorism expert what they’re doing to prevent a train from being driven into the white house? I’ve never seen Ali G.
Oh, it’s funny stuff.
I know I like I like Such a bar in Cohen.
Yeah, I just love like stupid Messing with people who are getting interviewed.
It’s so dumb and funny.
How do I get over there? That’s why I love Philomena Kunk.
Oh, she’s so good.
She’s amazing so funny I can’t remember what her actual name is, but she’s brilliant.
Oh Fuck what am I supposed to do now? I Can’t get over there.
Can I I can’t dangle on rope.
Maybe you can Can you save it? You really want me to fucking oh it auto saves.
That’s right You can’t dangle on the rope, dude.
Maybe you can tightrope walk it.
I’m telling you you cannot dangle on the rope All right, then what do we do? Whoops? Oh good You Lost two scraps tested it.
Oh Okay, you got those scraps though, it’s fine it’s fine I’ll just run back over I’ll fucking do it how do I get Whoops Where am I you’re back in your train, right? Check the map.
I don’t want to go that way.
I already did it, bro the other way, bro, I I can’t like have weapons right whoops.
No, no the weapons are on the train fuck cool How am I supposed to get to the top of the tower then? I don’t know how to fucking do that shit I don’t know look it up.
There’s a whole internet out there Just waiting to misinform you there’s a whole internet out there Don’t get lost You’ll find the dark web I’ll try to sell you drugs and dildos Is that what the dark web is a lot of good dildos out there if you’re interested in dildos I can point you in the right direction Hello, my good man.
I’m looking for dildos on the dark web.
I’ve got the right man for you me Come on Come on down to randall’s dildo shop on the dark way www.
com I guess it’s not actually the dark web You can just log on with the regular web I just like to say it’s the dark web Because it makes it sound more mysterious Things sound like the dildos are more dangerous They could be dangerous depending on how you use them Yeah, like if you use them as a baseball bat they’d be dangerous Damn Hey, do you know about dildos? Excuse me sir, can I introduce some dildos? You look like a man who knows a good dildo That dildo Yeah, just talking about a pickle You wouldn’t know a good dildo if it smacked you in the ass Who says that? Uh Me? Dope Okay okay okay Arin, well It’s fine It sounded awfully splattery I only took a third of my health It’s fine Jesus, just calm down This fucking guy Yes, I need to know how to get up to the top You can sprint jump? Yeah, you just need to sprint jump Okay How do you run? Oh, shift Wait wait wait wait wait I can’t make that I can’t make that jump with a sprint, can I? Yeah, maybe you can That seems absurd How do y’all know? You don’t know about You never sprint jumped before You wouldn’t know another thing about that Hell yeah So I have to sprint jump here? Oh man Hold, hold Move around the small walkway here and look across the other side of the mining facility Uh Get as much of a run-up as you can and jump to the other building Okay Okay Yeah, dog Oh shit, you really can make it Wow, fantastic Holy moly Let’s go inside and see what’s going on here There’s no setting a foundation for this operation, it’s been considerably more complicated than the nation I thought the same thing Not only by cost but the logistics of construction and delivery of supplies is our primary mine size We’ll need to strike gold fast if we want a chance of avoiding bankruptcy or else my dildo company’s gonna go under, you see Mm-hmm Here’s some scrap If you want it You don’t need it if you don’t need it, but if you want it you can have it Woo Nice You can keep climbing up to the top if you want Boy, it looks like our jumps just weren’t working because we were trying to do standing jumps Across enormous chasms Fucking, I don’t know, it’s not like the game was like sprint jump Maybe it was, I don’t know, I, you know, it probably was Defer and keep me It sounds like Charlie Who? Where? It does sound like Charlie Is Charlie messing with your train? Why would I guess maybe he just came by Aaron It’s fine Boy we made a huge sound for not being that big of a deal Such a small package A huge sound for such a big bean package But, uh Yeah I guess Charlie was just wandering around What’s up Where’s my money? I found these files I found these files, thank you Wasn’t begging They’re all in one place That’s scrap metal There’s only one place I can spend it Alright, let’s go back to my Chugga chugga choo choo Yup, and upgrade that Tris name But But why would I do something like that? Wow, now you can Now you know you can run How great is this? You’re going the wrong way Yeah I am, I just gotta get out of the ditch Away from the train I know, I’m just getting out of the ditch The train’s over there You never fucking listen Open your ears Would you melt candles in there? I’m just gonna keep letting you talk Cause you get more hurtful with everything you say And I know you’re just You’re giving me the business cause you’re hurting inside Cause hurt people hurt people Know what I mean? You shut the fuck up See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my goddamn life That makes me happy when I’m shooting Oops When I kill a man, I smile I got a big smile on my face Choo choo choo Choo choo goes the train Choo choo, here we go Let’s upgrade this train Nineteen? That sucks You can upgrade something Upgrade the damage I feel like that’s the most important, right? Alright, let’s see what else we got here in the open world Bada bing bada boom There’s a place I can go I don’t, can you What? I think you might have to go the long way around Can you? No Yeah, but there’s other places here Okay, cool, yeah, do it I don’t know, it marks the spot though I suppose it does Alright, let’s fuckin’ choo choo baby Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga Should probably arm the cannon because it’s gonna be a while It’s gonna be a while There better not be no spider train Me too Gonna be very disappointed if it was a spider train Big, big boy Big boy coming Arach Arachnid Arach Arachnid, Arach Do you think the colors make Charlie angry? Do you think he’s like, I don’t like red, but green I’m into I don’t Okay What the fuck, what the fuck Ooh, going in the little him and a him and a he Oh, this is where I started Maybe, is that the X? No, that was this thing Wow But you know, it was a dumb idea Touring even close to the X X gonna give it to you Love that song bro, love that song Do you know he had 18 children? Who, X? Yeah, DMX That’s a lot of children What did he do with them all? I don’t know, he’s dead What do you mean what did he do with them? They live They’re alive somewhere I thought maybe you’d like play soccer with them or something I don’t know, I’m not familiar Wikipedia doesn’t give that kind of information Wikipedia only says how many kids you had whether you’ve ever been arrested and the worst moments of your life It’s a great source of information Dude, stop, stop Don’t hit it, don’t hit it Stop, stop, don’t hit it, don’t hit it Don’t hit it Don’t Nice Don’t you forget about me Oh, my car, are you running right now? Yeah, I’ve always been running dude Really? I just didn’t know it would be like a really long leaping jump if I jumped while I was running Ah, yes I was wrongfully accused of non-jumping Who accused you? Everybody Whoa, what the fuck is going on with the fire right there? X marks the spot There’s a fire? Yeah No My favorite bush What is this? What is, what the fuck? You’re there Uh oh, that’s Charlie Whoa Oh, fuck Why’d he do it? I don’t know Is that like some kind of like point where you call Charlie? Uh Like Charlie always shows up at X if you go there? I don’t know Sure didn’t look like there was much going on Maybe I should like Real quick Real quick, just take a peek Quick peek, just give it a little peek A little peek-see And I’m here Back to the train What is this? It’s Charlie Oh shit He’s not coming Alright, let’s see what’s going on What the fuck is the deal with the X? I don’t know, let’s take a look There’s nothing there though Maybe he just randomly showed up Look on ground Nothing? Maybe you gotta dig for something Maybe there’s something under that debris I don’t know man Why would there be a big friendly X? I don’t know Unless it’s gonna give it to you I’m fucking out of here Alright This is a waste of my goddamn time This is a waste of my dang darn diggity dang time I tell you what man No man named X even gave it to me First I was going to rock, then I was going to roll And neither one took a look at my penis Oops, let’s stop here What’s going on with this place? Ooh, Farmer Willie I’m Tony Tittle Yes, I am the archivist We’re happy you came to help us out of this particular Charles and that madman Warren Okay You know, that old train of yours would need some major upgrades Yes we do know, actually That’s exactly why I’m talking to you There are some metal scraps in my barn that you could use to improve it Okay Mr.
Tittle It’s just up the path but I’ll mark it on your map anyway Let’s mark this fucking thing on my map Let’s see if the X moved, maybe that’s Nope Alright I’m going to Tony’s barn and I’m gonna find some shit to put on my train If I don’t get any shit, then I don’t know what I’m gonna do with myself Mama made some bread do you wanna come in and eat it? Next to the barn is the kissing station I’ll mark it on your map so you can meet me there I’m headed there right now Go on Get your kiss Was I not clear about that it’s a kissing station Ooh, this is good Oh no, lots of scrap Even though Eugene loves kissing I just realized that you never mentioned if he’d return, I suppose he’s the type of person to ignore the fine details of a plan, everyone on the island is trying to find a way to get out of this mess and I can only hope that the Travis friend of us can work some magic I don’t care what strange things they’ve done before or what practices they use as long as Charlie ends up dead, most folks around here want to say but then there are these crazies, I want to leave him be that damn Warren has lots of marbles She’s a real darn Warren, Arin, you didn’t need to Ooh Oh Did you jump from the second floor to the first floor? You fucking moron Did you find the useless X? There’s nothing there Did it mark the spot for you? That was really nice of him Hello Oh, I guess that’s it, eh? Yep Wow Thanks, Mr.
Tittle! See ya, buddy! Wow, it’s just free goods No problem Wait, should I run to that spot over there? Wait, before you do that, just upgrade your train Charlie Oh, I can’t yet Oh, dang It’s really important that you don’t die Yeah Those scraps are what it’s all about Fucking word Word indeed I’m back to the barn It’s dope in there Don’t go back in there, you hear? That’s where I’m gonna be kissing Unless you want to be kissed In which case, you’re always welcome Your lips are gonna need a major upgrade if you want to be kissing Tony Tittle Leave 16 scrap to get to the level of kissing that I need Go on back to the barn You can’t handle these kisses They’re too much for you They’re too sweet The velocity, wetness, and sweetness levels Are far beyond anything your lips can comprehend Your city lips And each level requires its own upgrade tree Hello, wizard Hello, wizard Well, hello, darling Double double point rule I’m making a stew With ingredients for my very own swamp But I don’t have any meat at the moment Okay I sell a carcass on the island in the swamp And if you wait over there and bring it back for me I’ll pay you some scraps Okay Although, you’ll need to be wary of Barry The swamp monster Barry? Keep an eye out for him splashing around And don’t move if he gets close to you As long as you stand still He’s as kind as a kitten Sure, I trust you He’s like a T-Rex from Jurassic Park His vision’s based on movement because of the plot That is an odd name for a swamp monster Barry? Yeah Tasty yummy stew Meat of any kind, human included Heh heh Heh heh Heh heh Ah, you know Shit happens Joking around Barry? Oh What the fuck? How was I supposed to know he was there? Okay, well, looks like you need to Look around? No, just move very slowly Man, you lost three scraps Whatever That’s all the scraps you were gonna gain No, there was more scraps You’re down to eight scraps now I picked up fucking like four scraps on the way there Did you? Yes If you use the scraps for upgrades, you can’t lose them, right? No, you can’t lose scraps you’ve used Yeah, so I would definitely recommend like Looking around for scraps, then upgrading the train, then doing the crazy shit 14? Aw If only you hadn’t just lost three Well, I was already far away from the fucking train I was already in the swamp with Barry Barry’s a nice guy He’s cool! He’s kind as a kitten, says she Scraps Wow, would you look at that Scraps? Upgrater of the train He’s the scrappiest Alright I would strongly recommend finding one more scrap And then upgrading your train Then you won’t Then this won’t suck when you inevitably die But she said if it It’s gotta be visible somehow, right? Ripples Really? Alright, just don’t move Oh, there he is Stop moving Oh, this is unsettling See ya, Barry No, stop! He’s kind as a kitten, Dan Meow meow Real slow Really take your time with this shit Oh, the foliage Aaron, stop! He’s kind as a fucking kitten, Dan Meow It’s no time for your trademark impatience Okay, alright Now let’s get that hunk of meat Hey, friends! Thanks for leaving me here How’d this even happen? I’m fucking dead What sound do I make? Okay That’s my sound Alright Do I go back now? Yes, now with a hunk of meat on you Stop There he is Fucking Barry, dude Ugh So fucking Barry Always exploring the space Testing your boundaries Oh my god Ugh God, it like When it starts to come near, it activates my fight or flight And I’m like, run for it! Oh fuck Well, he’s kind as a kitten Don’t move, don’t move Don’t move, don’t move! He said he’s kind as a kitten Aaron, stop moving Literally said he’s kind as a kitten, dude He’s not gonna eat me if I don’t move I don’t know if turning around in the water counts as moving No, it doesn’t Okay Stop moving! I know, I I just heard Ali gasp I feel the same way Aaron What? I have to move? You butt-fucking skank Stop moving Dude, I’m doing fine Let him go way away He doesn’t go that far away He like circles back I’m sorry I called you a B-F-ing S It’s okay I know you want to do so I’m very emotional right now Barry’s like right there A B-F-ing S Avoid the clover I feel like he moves around crazy in there Good job, Aaron But there’s clover everywhere! Just go around it! What the fuck do you want me to do? I can only move like four splishes worth It’s fine, he’s fine He’s right here, he’s giving me a kiss He’s kissing me Give me a little peck Love peck This shit sucks Look, I’m done You see that shit? Oh wow, what a sizzler Hello You’re in the fire now! Here are those scraps I offered Two! I was just gonna say I love a big boy Damn, 47 I hope Charlie doesn’t come by and kill me Seriously To Latren It’s so far away Barry comes up on land What’s up, I’m Barry Land Barry I remember the smell And the movement Damn, you can move I’m kind as a kitten Dad-ass-to What it tastes like What those cakes do Just fucking eats you Is that a scrap I saw? Where? No I do like the fact that scraps are a bright friendly candy-like shade of yellow That does help Pretty fun Oh god please Let me get to the gosh dang train I’m getting to the train dude, calm down No no no, I just like Charlie makes me nervous It’s like I’m getting to the train Jesus Choo choo Learn to choo choo Alright Alright Speed, armor Motherfucker Damn it Alright Choo choo Where’s Charlie You’re five away From another upgrade Damn look at all these fucking NPC missions But like that’s a lot of stuff to do Ah shit We’re getting our train jacked Please don’t talk to me about train jacking You know I’ve got sensitive skin I don’t know what that means Well that train jacking Okay hello Okay what’s happening here I like to dance It was this big I ate my pickles Okay You know what, I thought we were getting weird with it I ate the last jar of pickles I had in my house And there’s only one jar of pickles left on the island My secret jar of pickles Is that Tara Strong? I don’t want to see your pickle cave Alright Ah Lock pickles This is definitely the mission that was written at like 3 am when they were exhausted and loopy Oh it’s not a pickle lady Alright yep, yep let’s go Get the pickles Going the right way, going towards pickle town Yep let’s do it, pickle town Chugga chugga choo choo mother fucker Pickle town, pickle town, pickle town Pickle town, pickle town I lost my jar of pickles Gotta find the lock pickles, I mean lock pranks, that was my favorite line Yeah What the fuck Seagull? What’s that sound? It’s the pickle monster It better not be I’m gonna be real cross if that turns into the pickle monster Excuse me Pickle monster? Yes I am the pickle monster I’m the pickle monster Ooh Purple train, I do like purple Purple pickle Ah Lock pickle Lock pickle, yes Pickle jar Nice Wow that was it, yeah I guess so, fantastic Easy peasy, and an extra scrap And Charlie Pickle time It’s that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles That does change everything If they were into pickles instead of pizza It’s a much different vibe I mean they are green too, so it would be appropriate I know I love pickles man Give me that slice of pickles Give me the pickles Do you remember the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles soundtrack where like there’s one track where Shredder’s telling the story and he’s like, and one day the turtles began to speak like when they’re babies and it’s like Pizza, pizza Yeah, that was in the movie, was it? It was adorable My pickle I thank you so very much for bringing me my pickles Uh huh I mean I get it, zero calorie, delicious, vinegar flavor You are my pickle hero Well I don’t mean to brag And how much? 50 fucking 1 bruh I’m gonna go in her house and grab some more scraps Ooh, grab some more pickles Wait, there was one more Yes Why can’t I go in her bathroom? Can I use your bathroom? No! That’s where I shit out my pickles There could still be some nutrients to place back in my body Alright Work this out Shickles! Alright, that sucked I’m just gonna go home I’m gonna stop right at the fork, bruh Bruv Bruv I’m gonna stop right at the fork, bruv Stop right at the fork, innit You ready for this? You ready for this? You ready for this mission? Yeah, well sometimes the fucking missions are easy Sometimes you just gotta find pickles I wasn’t complaining, I- That’s life! Okay, take it easy! It’s life, Dan! What don’t you understand about life being about finding pickles? Oh man I like you Thanks, I like you too Don’t take it out of context We’ve had a real breakthrough today It’s just for the show Are you and I real friends in real life? That’s my favorite No, we hate each other, that’s why we spend 18 fucking hours a day together Every day In this episode I noticed that Arin was talking really rudely to Dan Are they actually friends in real life? Maybe they’re just doing it for the paycheck now Yeah, wow, we’re really faking it Alright, sorry, we’re fine I feel like I saw a paint can Oh, okay I’ve been praying someone from the first evacuation group would just send back another boat But I guess they all think that George’s supply boat is still evacuating people They’re all safe and cozy on the mainland But I feel no obligation to make sure everyone else escapes What the fuck are they talking about? I was just thinking, like, man, I have not been paying attention to these at all I know that Charles sinking the boat isn’t something anyone would expect, but still, to think I would have left this place by now, it makes me sick Anyway, when you’re going around on the map, go to the yellow little people figures They’ll tell you what to do There’s another one, circles Oh, there’s the man You thought you saw a paint can? I thought in one of the things you ran through, one of the little Uh, the little shacks This was the only sh- Oh, like over here? Yeah, one of those little Shit, black! Oh, gray You’re a nice arty You’re the arty, man Hi I know I’m just here to mug ya Too much for my nerves to handle I’ve brought all my belongings here So I can leave immediately when a boat arrives Although, now that I think about it I did forget my journal at home Could you bring it to me? If you do it, I’ll give you 800 pieces of scrap metal I have on my body My house is in Kentucky I’ll give you all the scrap metal I have Just please, bring the journal next time you’re here Really pronouncing that O and U Oh my god, it’s so far Yeah, well he said it was a dangerous journey Do it, do it, do it, do it Alright Goodbye I’ll miss you Scrap metal I’ll head right there Scrap metal! Whee! Time for a swim! Be careful, Barry’s in that water Is he? I don’t know He’s not not in that water I suppose you’re right Scrap Scrap Shit What is this? Scrap, yes You might have gotten enough scrap to upgrade again I hope so I hope so, I’m running directly towards my purple soon to be grey train I didn’t even enjoy the purple yet Now we’re going to grey? Man, this shit sucks, I’m going purple Do purple Brodio, I’m doing purple I really want to know where the blue paint can is Ali, can you look it up? Thanks It’s probably going to be in one of these little side mission areas It might have been in the blue egg section and we just blew by it Blew by it? Dude, you’re making me giggle, dude You can’t stop with that shit Please don’t make it Please don’t tease me Oh my god, it’s so fucking close That is Charlie! Holy fuck! Oh, well that’s great That’s just great Now we lost the three scraps You didn’t upgrade your train, did you? Fuck, it’s okay God damn it, we think I’m smart? You picked up exactly three on the dock Oh no, you’re good Oh, look at that, perfect Nice, alright, sweet Dan, you were correct, it was where the blue egg was The blue egg It’s okay, we can find it again Fucking Charlie I don’t think I’ve ever spoken in that voice before What do you mean? I was like, oh shit, it’s Charlie! My god, this fucking came out This is the best Oh man, oh man J-Boys You wanna talk to this chuckle fuck before we go on the mission and find the journal? Yeah, I was thinking I should probably talk to the chuckle fuck Okay You seeing that breaking ability? Yeah Nice Nice Take it Nice Say, you’re that monster hunter That’s right I must know, do you have any experience with ghosts? I sure do Just lie Someone or something has been painting exactly 16 drawings to lampposts in the boulder field every night That’s, uh, okay Probably a person But as I was looking for them last night, I began hearing strange noises and seeing strange things You mean like a spider train? Yes, that’s the one I only found half of them yesterday because of the commotion Could you go find the last date and bring them to me? Yes, I’ll find you the ghost drawings So you can give me scrap metal Oh, that’s really far Well, I’m getting the journal first Scoopidoopidoopidoop Hey, where are you going? Sorry, I’m finding a journal somewhere Okay What the fuck is that? That feels like it’ll be a thing later Yeah, like some kind of ritual Is that scrap metal? No, it wasn’t Well, here’s his house Great house, man Nice that he left a roaring fire in a wooden house while he’s not there Oh, no, it’s just the light, sorry Uh Where’s your journal? Where’s your journal? Nice I’ve taken your journal Why do you have bunk pads? Your journal Did you have a roommate? I don’t know, maybe he just liked options Wait, why is there still a circle there? I just grabbed the Maybe it disappears when you give the journal to him Sure Uh, sure Um, okay What do you say, Captain? Um, okay Awkward Okay I tip my hat to you, sir Wait, didn’t you Oh, what? Didn’t you want to get back on your train to get back to Santiago? Well, I’m looking for the pages now Oh Okay But what if you D? I might D There’s a ghost out here, Arin A very prolific artistic ghost If some random stranger I found randomly is to be believed Then yes, there’s a ghost out here Strangers don’t lie, Arin They’re all cool Um Oh, hello One page Seems cool Um, um Love the sound Is this like a time limit thing, or? No Oh, it’s a ghost Neato Oh, he’s coming for me It’s fine, I don’t have a whole lot of scrap on me Got your picture, go Getting lots of pictures Getting lots of pictures Keep going, he’s definitely not gonna stop I know Gah, fuck Ahh Getting lots of pictures Getting lots of pictures Running around getting pictures Found the fourth fucking picture Just running around the maze Trying to find all of the pictures Everybody loves the pictures Everybody loves the pictures Nobody likes the pictures Except for me, I love the pictures Everybody loves the pictures I don’t like the sound changing Yeah, this is scary Fortunately, the pictures are illuminated Illumina-preu Whoa He’s pretty close He’s probably like right behind you Oh, shit Gotta find the pictures Here’s another fucking picture No, that’s not a picture Maybe this one is a picture Stop making noises Everyone sounds increasing in volume Ugh Is there one up there? I don’t know There’s definitely one to the left Really? Yeah, well there’s one Or is that just a light? I don’t know No, that’s not a picture That’s where you found the first one Oh, dear And this shit sucks There’s only three more pictures left Here’s one, here’s one, here’s one Okay What fucking scrap metal is worth this shit? Here’s a crayon drawing of a house Got it One more, oh, fucking shit No, you’re alright You’re alright Oh, you got transported away What the f- Oh Oh, you’re gonna have to find all the pictures again Since I’m here Might as well talk to this fuck Wherever it is I’ve been here before No, I haven’t No, I haven’t Up the stairs and talk to the guy Is it over here? There’s scrap metal in front of you Pick it up All day long you’ll have scrap Nice Nice I’ll take it Oh, my nose fucking itches, dude Wow, you totally Tokyo drifted while you were scratching your nose Yeah, man Consider that a high level gamer move Nice Hey Hi, I’m a ghost Okay Or AMP for short Okay My apologies I’m not the best with introductions But I don’t believe either of us are here for socializing Listen, I have a little crush on the pickle lady I just so happen to have a little business opportunity if you’re interested What happens is I give you eight crates of shampoo and you sell them via multimedia marketing A very special little box of mine is in a rail car in the nearby canyon, but the goons have set up a camp to protect that area, so be careful Okay Find the blue box and bring it back to me Sounds like a Ponzi scheme, it’s not a Ponzi scheme I don’t know what that means Not that one Don’t pick that, it’s one of the ones I’m giving you Okay, that one too It’s fine, I guess that’s an advance Okay, there’s another one Before the cave in, blah blah blah I don’t care at this point Please don’t look around my place for any more scrap That’s what I’m going to pay you with No, not that one Eat shit Well thanks, thanks a million God damn it That’s where you need to go There’s definitely more scrap left for you, please come back Hello Do you have an inventory that you can check? Do you have seven? Oh you do, great Okay, that’s nice So it’s just inconvenient, it’s not like a game changer Sounds like the ghost again There he is My favorite ghost Maybe Alright, here we go I’m going in There it is What did it look like? It was just kind of like a It had a body I didn’t get a good look at him I mean damn, it had a body though He must work out It didn’t have legs, but it had thighs And it had mist surrounding it Did it have a head? Yeah So no head? I didn’t really get a good look at it though It was just kind of a human like apparition Nice It was floating with its hands out Like a cartoon mummy This island sucks There, I said it Damn dude, oh shit Yo, don’t talk too loud Pickle girl will hear you Yeah, you’ll make the pickle girl in the spider train mad Other than that, pretty normal spot Where’s my blue box? Hello I don’t think he’s coming back Thanks for bringing me those papers Here are some scraps for your help Thank you Thanks for bringing me those papers Why did I need them? I don’t know Just rips them up I just wanted something to take out my anger I just like pissing off a ghost Alright, damage Armor, speed I don’t have enough for speed You’re Getting pretty jacked up though Getting pretty jacked up, I will say And you give the man his journal And that’ll be another whole bunch of Jam nams Give the man his journal Oh damn, it goes backwards pretty fast though It’s pretty great It’s almost like the whole idea of a train Okay, well if you’re gonna go backwards You shouldn’t shoot the flamethrower Fair, fair, fair, fair Touch the gun Easy Where is the man at the dock? There he is, fuck! Stop the train! Fuck! Conductor! Oh, that’s me Ah, the dock This game is fun It’s pretty silly, right? But it’s like In a good hearted Enjoyable way All the missions are short enough where it’s just kind of like You get a taste of the people Yep, but it’s like Entertaining and varied enough that it doesn’t feel like Chores Alright, Mr.
Yurnleman My yurnle Thank you for bringing me my yurnle Of course not We should have looked inside I know, 53, noice Noice? Noice? Very hairy 4K I shaved right afterwards I just wanted a log Of what my hairy ballsack looks like Anyway, thanks for bringing it to me And risking your life Oh, here’s my boat! He just jumps into the ocean and disappears Cool, speed Choose wisely Damage Alright One more mission, one or two more missions And you should be ready to rock Probably one, right? Maybe Are they all.
There’s no more, what is this? Oh, that’s the weapon guy Don’t you have to meet Oh yes, the fucking Theater’s blue box This guy, hello And you need to get the blue Catapade so I can see the blue train Oh fuck, you’re so right Dan, you’re so goddamn right Oh, shit! And.
Switchy! Is that Charlie? No Yes! I’m a little teapot Man, there’s a lot of colors Here is my handle, here is my butt When I get all angry I like to pee Where was the blue egg? Uh, I don’t know It’s gone now, it’s probably one of these caves Fable I’m sure there’s an online map or something Dude, calm down Ally! Can you look up the online map? What am I looking for on the map? The can of blue cane paint Oh, it’s in the.
let me look Thank you You want a blue train, don’t you? My hand finally stopped hurting Oh good It’s turning black This is the episode after that classic golf game where I mashed my hand into the microphone stand at full speed Oh boy Should have taken a picture of it It was wild looking for a minute there Does it look different now? Yeah, it’s kind of back to normal It’s a little swollen, but normal human swollen I have the location for you Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa Oh I’m gonna shoot you! Oh, he was a man of his word Hahahaha Get ready! Ah shit, um Do you know where you’re going? Yeah, it’s by the barn You better run! No, you better run cause I’m about to get to my frickin’ train gun What is that? Is that a train gun? Ow! How about that? How about that shit? Anyway, where was I? You better run! Do you want to find the blue paint? Yes, please.
Okay, it’s in the northwest corner of the map.
It’s within the mine There must investigate to get the blue egg, I think.
Perfect Okay, so northwest That’s like the peak of the map Maybe I will take a peak at the map You better run! I’m gonna shoot you! Told you! See? These hips don’t lie! Ah, the blue box I guess that’s it for over here Yeah, I mean you got it There is some scraps Scraps Scraps Scraps No, scraps Scraps Hey, did you kill my friend? I’m angry You better run You just shot him! Now I’m gonna shoot you Left foot, right foot, left foot Just telling it like it is I’ll run to the side of the train How many scraps do you think this guy’s gonna give me? I don’t know.
Hopefully 48, because then you’ll be maxed out I think you stepped right over some scrap Did I? Ah, you couldn’t be me Maybe not Oh, I might have been seeing that yellow Yeah, through the floorboards That’s the exact box I needed Sexy Now take these scraps and skedaddle I’m going to fill this box with my cum Okay I mean, cool 40? Dang it I think that’s, is that enough to get a full upgrade? They can get one Choose wisely Probably armor Are there any more missions left? Or is it the last one? There’s the X marks the spot X box the spot You know what, let’s just go to the get the blue paint and maybe we’ll find some scraps along the way God, I have to go all the way around It’s It’s worth it for you, I understand You’re my special man, you’re my special man I just, we’re Oh, he’s got little horns Oh, rad Oh, because the damage was fully upgraded Yeah So now it’s a badass train That’s funny Or the armor, rather I can appreciate that Listen, Arin You and I are widely respected across the internet for being completionists Right, yeah, that’s what we do You’re so right So, dadgummit Oh, oh Where’s Charlie? God, this train looks fucking awesome now I know, right? It’s my little boy What? My little beastie boy You know, like the beastie boys Shit, is it left or right? It’s left, good Whew Whew Have you ever seen the the meme where it’s like Shakespeare and the beastie boys together? It’s like Once upon a midnight dreary Something, something weak and weary I love that shit Is it a video? No, it was just in text but you could hear it so clearly Oh, right, yeah Those are good bits, dude That’s good stuff We’ll discuss all kinds of very interesting things while we’re on this train I know Classic bits Bouncy tits Okay, alright It’s getting a little late It’s got a little PG-13 in here Oh my god Which way, which way, which way, which way, which way, yes We can’t do PG-13 You can only say fuck once Shit, I used it Oh, in the descriptor Chuggy chuggy chuggy Ooh, the moon looks beautiful tonight Oh wow It really plays off your eyes Uh What, uh My love for you shines as bright as the moon Chuggy chuggy choo Where the fuck is Charles, dude? Haven’t seen him in a while Great idea Where are you? Get the fuck out of here, Charles Show yourself I feel like I could kill him now, you know, I’m pretty well upgraded I think you could I think this is it, right? This is the cave That looks miney Eeny miney miney moon Find that blue paint, dude Find that blue paint and I’m gonna give it to you Find that paint Give me that paint I’m here for paint I’m gonna show you Okay No thanks Just here for the paint Where is it, Al? Okay It’s in the mine, you gotta go to the left room? Oh, crap Oh, fuck Alright, here we go, I’m coming back for you Don’t you run away to your train with a big gun on it Oh, that’s exactly what he’s doing, isn’t it? Just like him Beat it Beat it Oh, fuck Yeah, never try to be tough guy with someone standing in front of a gatling gun Maybe go up the stairs Maybe there’s some scraps up there Do do do do Maybe some scraps Um I didn’t check over here Ooh, baby baby baby How many do we have now? Uh, 14 We need 10 more Not even close Not even close Sonic hedgehog Sonic hedgehog You do that so well Sonic hedgehog Okay, now Remember, stealth is the name of the game Cheery dog Sonic hedgehog loves cheery dog Thank you Nice, 9, 9 remaining Was that it? Did I see it? No, it’s in It says here it’s on the left hand side of the maze of passages in a locked crate Oh, it was in a locked crate Oh, shit Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I’m gonna shoot you! Whoa, he didn’t even see me Oh, shit Oh, shit Oh, god Oh, no, oh, no, you’re gonna lose all the scraps I’m not gonna lose anything, bro I’m in full health right now Is it possible you’re getting stronger too as your train gets stronger? Maybe You definitely got shot No! Don’t wanna! Remember, they don’t stop chasing you when you’re lock picking You lost me I hope so Where’d the guy go? Who’s trying to shoot him? It’s getting louder Nice Oh, good Oh, great Nice Fucking shit, man Sorry, I just really want that pain Let’s just have a conversation out here so he feels safe Oh, your health is increasing Yeah, you get it back gradually Cool I’m gonna run all the way back to my fucking train Dude, it’s right here, it’s worth it That guy shot you three times, you don’t wanna kill him? Alright, yes, obviously I do Fun 100% fun Alright, so now you know where you’re going And it’s blue paint time How many scraps do you have? Oh, getting close 20? Yes Running into the cave Running into the cave Man, that guy fucking masterblasted you while you were blocking that case Hope a guy doesn’t masterblast me Running into the cave Okay Click Clicky, clicky, clicky And clicky, clicky Clicky Blue paint motherfucker I think there’s one more scrap metal in there Really? Or at least in the room where you found the guy initially Oh, yeah That was way back though I mean, you did run for your life for a while But I’m just saying, you only need four more Oh my god, dude You’re out of your mind, man Dude, when there’s a spider train bearing down on us You’re gonna fucking be glad you have that extra speed God, you’re right Oh, shit There it is This means there’s more scrap somewhere else, too All you need is three more Oh, this is a dead end, eh? Oh, there’s more That one was hidden by foliage My favorite kids in the hall, Dave Foliage Nice God, you just need two more scraps They have to be just fucking lying around in the street They’re just lying around Oh, yeah Gonna get shot by the guy You’re gonna have the fastest, bluest train in the world Chugga-chugga blue, blue Yes Gotta be Yeah, it’s just gotta be like lying around here somewhere Some fucking scrap somewhere Hey, fuck We’ll just casually find him Gonna shoot you What’d he say? I think he said I’m gonna choo-choo Oh, yeah, like on the train Wait, left, left, left, left, left, left No, no, left, left, left, left, left, left Straight, there Yes, you got it Wow Boom, baby We are fully stocked, locked, and loaded, baby, baby Tiddlywinks Yes Where is train? Bring me back to train Purple? Charlie, do not show up Now blue Yes, wait, blue looks a lot like you Yes That’s a hot train That deep fucking blue Upgrade? Yes 28 Oh, fucking That’s okay, we can find some more scraps I’m sure there’s more scraps everywhere Just calm down Wait, there’s one What? I think you just drove past one There’s scraps everywhere, man I feel like I see them everywhere So where are you going to now? I’ll go to the weapon guy Yeah, perhaps we could upgrade Oh, are you driving past scraps right now? I don’t fucking know, man, I’m sure there’s scraps where the weapon guy is Calm fucking down, bro You’re getting so eager Sorry, I Is that Charlie? Yup Is it? Scraps Scraps one Hello, weapons Sup, Gertrude That’s me That’s me The barrels Warren’s goons stole the barrels and took them up to their camp Ugh Why did I come here? Okay, what? Why would you name food? Scraps Nice, Arin, nice You jumped on the barbed wire I didn’t know if it was like in world I thought it was just aesthetic I thought it was like the fun barbed wire Uh Yo, that’s That barbed wire is straight barbed fire, dude Here come the bananas Here come the bananas in my mouth You need one more scrap Oh my god, it’s so far One more scrap, Arin When you upgrade your speed Once you find that scrap I’m sure there’s a scrap somewhere around here Scrap on the ground Scrap on the ground, scrap on the ground Hey, hey, hey Scrap Oh my god, there’s no more scrap Scrap Scrap Scrap, where are you? There’s nothing around here I just gotta go to the fucking place Scrap Scrap No, it was mushrooms I got excited You can’t just save the scrap without some scrap Church That looks like a fun place Let’s hop on in there We already did it We’ve done all these fucking missions, bro Are we 100%ing this game? I think so, man That’s awesome I think you have to in order to be Charles I suppose so Uh oh Now, Charles, don’t go killing us Before we’ve had a chance to cash in these scraps Well, I’ll tell you what, Charles That’s where I want to go, to the left Alright After Earth And go the banana There’s two in my mouth And three in my butt And five in my butt And two in my mouth There’s too many bananas Shit Stop the train Hey, you Wait, it’s a shootie man It’s a shootie man Shoot him in the can Oh, there’s so many shootie men Oh, Jesus Who else wants some? It’s the shootie man Doing what he can With his shootie plan He’s the shootie fucking man Needed a better plan I shot him in the hand And then right in the hand And then I ran and ran Upgrade your minivan It’s a train, but Minivan works better It applies Alright Boom, holy fucking upgraded motherfudger I just grab scraps for health Whenever you see them Here come the bananas And then the bananas In my mouth Two in my butt Four in my mouth Two in my butt Widen my butt Where the fuck am I going? I don’t know Oh, I was trying to find the other half of the weapon That she wanted Yes It’s right in the road Mob still pieces of new weapon Alright So it’s right here Oh, it’s up there I guess Let’s take the elevator Oh, there are their masks Oh, cool Oh, they’ve got Charlie masks Adorable That’s what their whole deal is Oh, yeah, they’re the cult of Charlie I guess Well, that’s cute Scrap Scrap Yes, I want it We’ve been digging for over a month And I’m beginning to wonder what we’re really doing here There are ancient stone ruins above ground As well as ruins being discovered underground Some sort of temple is in a large cavern Was discovered at one of the other mines Are we really digging for gold veins? Find some gold veins in my pants, dude Remember when you named your dick Lois Vane? I did that? When did I do that? A long time ago What are you talking about? I don’t remember that at all Are you sure that’s not you? No, no, because I was so impressed by you Someone asked us to name Oh, gosh It was like Name your dick something Superman related Or something like that It was from a power hour And you stopped everybody You were like, no, no, no Lois Vane Just like that God, I don’t remember that at all Dude, are you kidding? I can barely remember anything that happened before lunch But here we are Is this it? Could check This is a good gun You acquired Bob This was a good idea Um, yeah Oh, God Here we fucking go, baby Nice I gotta go back to the lady No? No, she just wanted you to Oh, Charlie? She just wanted you to name it Bob Dude, Bob Whoa You’re lucky, Bob Now where do you go? Oh, you gotta put the eggs in It’s time Alright, where is it? Oh, we’re headed straight for it Let’s go, I’m hyped Here come the bananas Fucking Bob Kinda thought you’d continue with that But that’s fine Well, that’s why I was clapping along The banana song It’s too late, the moment has passed You look such a douche Oh, fuck I hope it’s gonna turn me right, I hope it’s gonna turn me right Cause that’s the direction I wanna go, that’s the right direction Yes, turn right Woo And we are almost home Are you ready for this shit, dog? I am, I’m very ready I was ready for it at the end of the last episode And the episode before that Are you ready for this nasty-tasty? I wanna kill this goddamn spider-train Here we fucking go, here we fucking go Here we fucking go Here we fucking go Hi Meep-bump-moop, meep-bump-moop You’ve already seen this cutscene, right? Yes, but it’s fun One, two, three eggs Tween egg Time to ovulate Bew egg One more egg Oh, man What? Ah, there’s Charlie What the fuck, was that supposed to be happening? Oh, oh, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa What the fuck? Are you serious? It killed you during the cutscene? You gotta be fucking kidding me Whoa That is so unfair Put the egg down, stranger Or else that big ass fucking train will just come right in here Man, that was bad luck Honestly Alright, let’s try that again, shall we? Yep Maybe I should just hit tab to skip Alright Aw, we missed him eating him Aw Slay the beast, shoot until he’s dead Oh my god, he’s so fast He’s so fast Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Oh geez, Louise You’re alright, but you need to increase train health Oh, oh god, your aim needs to be impeccable Repair, repair, repair Oh, you’re gonna need more scraps than that, dog Oh, oh Form two Shit fuck hell Charles Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh Yeah, what the fuck? Oh, yeah? He’s right there Um he’s right behind me isn’t he oh? Oh nice good shooting tax Oh This is a drag.
Oh, okay, nice got him Whoa whoa Oh Pop pop pop pop pop pop pop Your aim is goodening Yeah, if you oh if you if you hit him with every shot he can’t get a hit on you Yes Fuck you eat it eat it hell Charles Almost oh when he disappears Boy we got this fucking new gun just in time yeah, oh shit.
Oh shit Oh It’s gonna come right down to it Oh God one more Yeah, yeah, yeah keep shooting Oh his health bar is gone.
Oh, we’re on the trail.
We’re on the bridge.
Oh, yes Queen Poor Charlie, I thought he was just gonna fall and be like oh, he’ll be back someday, but no that’s That’s a bloody train.
Oh yikes I Loved it oh Man John Brandon sneaks Boy wow it was awesome.
Yeah great job Gavin team.
Oh What a fun game That is disgusting Taken out by the pat pat Oh Charlie didn’t expect standing on the edge of the fucking bridge looking down, and I’m like Oh epilogue That’s when you don’t have an EpiPen handy, so you stab yourself with a log Tree sap has a natural antihistamine properties Is it gonna hatch a new Charlie that would make no sense Please I swear to God make it a little choo-choo.
I mean this is how trains are made.
Oh is this bad Is this good This bad Oh Man that was fucking fun Don’t even think about rising from the ashes cause I’m gonna give you a little PAP PAP BITCH All right, thank you so much Congratulations to the makers of choo-choo Charles.
You made a really fun game.
That was good look at our train It looks great.
I know we look so badass sick all right have a wonderful day everyone kisses and hugs goodbye paps and paps pap paps PAP PAP PAP PAP PAP! BITCH!