This computer game has got us WHISTLING

16.02.2023 0 By admin

Hey, I’m Grump.

I’m not so Grump.

And we’re the Game Grumps.

Top of the morning to you, laddies.

Hello, Arin.

Hi, Dan.

Um, who, uh, what is this and who is that

mysteriously checking their phone in the background?

Carl.

Oh.

Put some pants on, Carl.

Is that what’s happening?

What am I looking at?

I don’t know, man.

He’s a creepy, creepy boy.

Okay.

This is Lazaret.

It’s a demo.

Is it a scary demo?

Yes.

Okay.

Four years ago, a ship called the MTS Endures

disappeared as a voice of ours was occasionally emerged.

You are a member of a rescue crew

sent to investigate a distress signal

coming from the once lost cargo vessel.

That’s why that condition is very rare

when it arrives, you made it to the ship.

Your head, you had below.

Your head.

Your head is below deck.

You got mad head below deck.

Oh, uh.

Oh, it’s probably better with a mouse and keyboard,

ain’t it?

Yeah.

Can I not run?

Doop-a-doop-a-doo.

Excuse me.

The sensitivity fucking sucks.

Bless you, Dan.

Thank you, Arin.

Uh, gesundheit, Dan.

Just kidding.

I don’t say bless you, I’m a heathen.

You know, something about that chain

actually being corporeal

and you couldn’t like just walk through it

actually made this feel a lot more real.

Yeah, tangible.

Yeah.

Corporial.

You know, I probably would have said corporeal too,

so I don’t know why I’m giving you shit.

That’s fine.

Tangible’s good.

Oh, I don’t have a fucking code.

Maybe Carl knows it.

Ooh, swingy swingy.

It wasn’t swinging like that before, right?

It wasn’t swinging like that before.

Well, dope.

That’s okay, man.

Oh, man.

I’ll go this way,

because this looks like a-

Then again, it is a ship,

so I suppose chains would always be swinging.

Oh, word, word, word, word.

Oh.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, it’s just the light.

I was just looking at the lights.

Boy, you can’t seem to move very fast.

It’s locked.

Yeah, man, I wish I could run.

Can you?

I can’t run.

Aw, bruh.

I hate games like this.

Why are we doing this?

What you need to know.

This is like an actual work regulations sign.

From 1992.

You gotta wear your PPE.

What was that?

Okay.

Work regulations from 1992.

Make sure your Nirvana Nevermind cassettes

are not left up above deck.

We’re tired of cleaning them up.

Stow all Walkmen.

Does it smell like teen spirit in here?

I’m assuming there’s like a man

that’s going to come out and give us a real fright.

I don’t want that.

You know, neither do I,

but here we are playing a game like this.

Can I look at that?

No.

So am I like a worker or a work here?

I don’t know.

Like they very clearly said what it was,

but you read it too goofily to recognize

what the point was.

Whoa, sir.

Ew.

Barnacles.

Is that a dummy or is it a person?

I think it’s like a Pompe-esque like,

like a remnant of a person.

Like things didn’t work out well for him.

Yeah, keep an eye on him.

Can’t go this way.

Oh man, you gotta walk by barnacle thing.

Barnacle boy.

I’m barnacle Ben.

Open.

Oh dude, I got gloves.

I’m ready for this job.

Yo, where’s my Casio?

Oh, I fell over.

Sorry.

Oh, oh, that’s quite a few dead men.

Oh well, that’s just great.

What do you think of this barnacle Ben?

All right, Arin, please.

What happened?

You must’ve seen.

Oh, he’s been dead for a while.

Heh, interview this man.

Barnacle Ben, you speak their language.

Deadman language.

Ooh.

There’s your code.

1947.

So does that mean I have to go back up and open the safe?

I think so.

Unless there’s something else to do here.

There’s a little crawly area.

You wanna start a-crawlin’?

What is this?

It can’t be broken by hand.

But by foot.

Here.

I guess if I was a karate master,

maybe things would be a little different.

Hahaha.

Maybe if I was a board-breaking bastard.

I like that it swings, man.

I like the very realistic swing.

The chain-y swing.

Yeah, man.

Yep, it gives a sense of motion to the whole environment.

Kind of a vibe.

Like, I dig it.

Oh, we had a little graphic jump.

That means something loaded into the world.

Oh, is that right?

Probably.

Marvelous!

This is where the suitcase was, right?

I think so.

Yeah, there we go.

What’s up, friend?

19…

1947.

Hey!

Hey!

It’s an anchor!

Take.

Ooh, it’s an anchor relic.

Cool.

Not just a regular anchor.

This ain’t gonna weigh down no ship.

Do you use it to, like, punch people with, or?

I don’t know.

I don’t know,

because there’s something super uncool in this world.

You don’t know that.

I think you can safely assume that,

but you don’t know that.

Yeah.

Like, what if this is actually a dating sim?

He’s, like, trying to find you and be like,

um, uh, like, pushing his little index fingers together.

Yeah.

Um, I noticed you, uh, across the hall, and, um…

Like, rubbing the back of his head.

Big sweat mark.

He is sweating.

I don’t know where to put the anchor relic.

Did I come from up there?

Yeah, well, you went down a big staircase.

Okay, so I’m assuming this is where I started.

Mm-hmm.

Maybe I can open this door.

Maybe that, maybe it’s, like, a Far Cry kind of situation.

Maybe you could just leave.

Yeah, exactly.

And never have to worry about this again.

If you just stay there.

Nope.

Does it, isn’t that a thing in, like, Far Cry 4,

Far Cry 3, or something?

The guy’s like, wait here, I’ll be back in an hour.

And then if you just wait there an hour,

he comes back, and then the game ends.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

That’s super funny.

It’s kind of like that, oh.

What was that game where we were supposed to be in, like.

Oh, oh, he’s finally calling me.

Oh, oh, oh, okay, pause, pause, pause, sorry.

Arin’s phone call is complete.

Uh, had a phone call.

It was, it really lifted my spirits.

And now we’re back.

Yes.

Playing the scary guy in the boat game.

Yeah.

Why, why do we do this to ourselves, Arin?

I thought we were done with the scary stuff.

It’s the views, Dan.

It’s the views, Dan.

Think of the views.

Oh, fuck, that was just a chain, all right.

Okay, I hate this, Arin.

I wish I had, oh!

That was a great one.

People honestly think that I’m making this up,

and I’m not the fucking fraidy cat that I appear to be.

But I assure you, I hate screaming.

And it only happens at stuff like this.

That was a great one.

It was a great one.

It was a great one.

It was a great one.

But it only happens at stuff like this.

That wasn’t a scream, though.

That was a, that was like a cartoon, like, explanation.

Yeah, but it comes from the same,

it comes from the same place as a scream.

Right, but a scream, I feel like, is more raspy.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, well, that’s just great.

That’s what I was hoping for.

I’m gonna close my eyes.

Oh, stop, stop.

Hey, bud.

All right.

Oh, that’s so uncomfortable.

He’s fine.

He’s not fine.

He’s just having a seat right now.

He’s tired.

Oh.

Oh, neat.

Maybe he’s doing some sort of dance move.

Probably.

He’s doing the floor shimmy.

Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Oh, here’s the anchor.

Why do you move at the speed of a?

Oh.

Open the door.

Time to get on the floor.

It’s like you’re wearing heavy boots and soup.

And you just have to get away from murderers.

Boots and soup is suits, or boop.

You all right, Arin?

Oh, sorry, man.

What could have cast that shadow?

Probably the little mannequin guy.

Yeah, but I mean, where was he?

He was over here, I guess.

But he’s not moving that fast.

Crawled through the vent.

Are you sure you can’t move any faster than this?

Yeah, man.

Shift is usually the run button.

I mean, I could try other buttons, but.

I feel like I’m on the Haunted Mansion.

Oh, there he is.

He’s doing a funny little pose.

He’s got something in his hand.

Hm, hate this.

Do you think he’s going to come alive?

Yeah, he is covering my eyes.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Don’t, don’t.

Well, that was thoughtful of him.

I know.

He’s, oh, now I can run.

Oh, good.

Wait, it’s not letting me run.

The fact that they would give you this option now

indicates to me that terrible things are about to happen.

Yeah, oh, there we go.

Wait, do I have to pick up speed?

Is that what’s happening?

Oh, the run is like so not faster.

Really?

Yeah, it’s like fucking maybe like half as fast.

Marvelous.

Super duper.

Oh.

Is my boy here?

Oh, there’s lots of the boys.

They’re everywhere.

Oh.

Won’t let me run here.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Let’s just open this door.

Oh, I can’t open the door.

Oh.

So.

Fucking shit.

I’m coming for you.

No.

No, I hate this shit.

What?

What happened?

He just disappeared.

Oh.

It’s just the screen went black for a second,

then he disappeared.

OK, cool.

I was covering my eyes.

I can understand that.

All right, I think I get that door here.

It’s locked, but now it’s open.

Ha ha.

Inside we go.

Oh.

It’s a lot of cool details, you know?

If I look through multiple layers of fingers,

then they can’t hurt me.

Doesn’t that make it scarier?

Because then you really can’t see where it’s coming from?

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I mean, you wouldn’t think this would be scary.

We’re playing this at 1 in the afternoon.

It’s a bright day outside.

Sunlight is pouring through the windows,

and I’m twisted up like a pretzel.

Oh, one’s there.

One’s there.

Hey, bud.

Hee hee hee hee hee hee.

It is like Haunted Mansion.

I hate this.

He’s just kind of around corners.

Oh, something’s going to happen here.

Oh, fuck my life.

I hate this shit so much.

Maybe not.

Yeah, I mean, as with all of these games,

the waiting is the hardest part, you know?

Oh, the anticipation?

The antici-pation.

Hee hee.

Oh, oh.

Well, that’s fine.

Did I step on it, or?

Oh, my bad.

Oh, my bad.

Something’s going to happen here.

We don’t need this in life.

Oh, nice.

Oh, sir.

Let me take that crowbar.

Eh.

Whoops.

Is this what’s, like, holding him to the wall?

Boy, that’s really taking its time.

I’ve got a crowbar now.

Didn’t even make a thud.

Come on.

Well, it’s a demo.

They’re still working their way.

OK.

That’s fair enough.

I don’t want to give shit to any of the designers.

Don’t you want to pull that bright candy red lever?

Oh, was that an option?

I think so.

It didn’t seem like an option.

This one?

Yeah.

No, that’s not an option.

Do you want to stab those guys with the crowbar?

I think the crowbar is meant to open doors or something.

Oh, you see his little pinky head?

Oh, fuck.

Did you see that?

Yes, I did.

That was silly.

I hate it.

Oh.

OK.

Oh, this is awful.

This is like that Twilight Zone episode

where all the mannequins move.

Yeah, that’s a dope one.

I hate it.

It’s a good one, though.

I mean, if the point of.

There is a freaky deaky like independent short film

made many years ago that reminds me of this, and I hated it.

It was scary.

Hold on.

Let me see if I can find it.

Is it called?

Lazarus, I use the crowbar to take the wood off the door.

That’s what I got to do.

My boy’s over here again, probably.

Duh.

See, the thing about these games,

it’s like I don’t have anything to do to fight against them,

you know?

Wow, this is it.

If anyone wants to see a spooky little nine minute short film,

on YouTube, it’s called Still Life Dash Short Movie.

And it’s from many years ago already.

It’s like 15 or 16 years old, but I

thought it was real spooky.

Check it out.

Yeah, I really liked it.

The statue started to appear on the third day.

It was just one or two at first, but more would show up every day

and by the end of the week, there were dozens of them.

A baker’s dozen.

Just like Harry Styles fans.

They’re everywhere.

There was one and then there was many.

Multiple pages have been torn out.

Was that written in there?

Some of the statues have started to move.

There killed three people already.

When evacuating the quarantined areas,

I whistled to get the crew’s attention

and one of the statues whistled back.

The whistles go, woo.

We’ve only had one more fatality in the next week.

Last week, the sentient statues will always whistle back

and it’s proven an effective way of avoiding danger,

though they won’t respond if you’re too close.

Still, I think it would be best for the rest of us

to find a safe place to hole up for now.

Well, I’m glad they found that.

There’s not many of us left now.

The engines have stopped and we can’t get to the bridge,

but there’s something else on the ship

and it stalks the corridors looking for survivors.

The safest place for us right now is in this room.

I just hope we get rescued soon.

They’re dead.

Yeah.

I think it went well.

Press Q to whistle.

Did you hear that?

Revealing nearby threats.

What does that make them light up or something?

Flashlight.

Oh, hell yes, dog.

I got a motherfudging flashlight, bro.

I think we might need to turn up the volume a little.

To get a little bit of that whistle action?

Wait, to hear the return whistles.

To hear the whistles go, woo.

Yeah, try.

No whistles.

I didn’t hear a hingo whistle.

Is that you?

That was me.

Oh.

I don’t think you’ll hear a whistle.

So I can just kind of whistle whenever.

Whistle while you die.

Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.

Whistle while you die.

It’s a good one.

Thanks.

Uh-oh.

OK, so that was the end of the road for that one.

So I don’t need to go here anymore.

All I have now is a flashlight.

Oh, I guess I can walk the dark corridor now.

Marvelous.

Now that I got the flashlight, I can see things.

I’m going to hear a whistle back, right?

One would hope.

That’s what they say.

Oh.

Oh.

Someone got bullied and shoved in their gym locker.

Embarrassing.

I’m just whistling.

I don’t hear anything.

Oh, is that that wah, wah?

That was one of them.

I think so, maybe.

Oh, shit.

OK.

Fuck it.

Just going through a door, no big deal, no big deal.

Are the views really worth my shortened life?

Yes.

Like the insane beating my heart takes every time

we play one of these games?

Oh.

There’s one.

There’s two.

Hey, bud.

There’s one.

Oh, there’s a lot of them.

Oh, there’s a whole bunchy bunch.

Uh-huh.

Oh, he’s close.

Oh, I hate this shit.

It’s cute.

It’s like Marco Polo.

Oh, it’s adorable.

Oh, it’s locked.

Oh.

Oh, this is so uncomfortable.

It’s like someone looked at that frickin’ scene from Silent

Hill where she has to walk through all the nurses,

and we’re like, let’s make that the whole thing.

There’s no whistles back, so it looks like we’re safe for now.

I don’t hear any whistles.

That’s only in the morning.

Supposed to be up cooking breakfast or someone.

Oh, my god.

It’s like an alarm clock.

Woo-woo.

Bob Rob and Lil Sis.

OK, so it’s just this.

Dan, calm down.

It’s just a video game.

I know.

I just hate the feeling of this.

Nobody’s going to get you.

I don’t think anyone’s going to get me.

I just hate being, I hate jump scares.

The feeling is bad.

I will admit, sometimes the feeling is bad.

But also, you get a little you get a little drenny rush.

That’s pretty fun.

I also seem to like, uh-oh, that’s not good.

Ooh, there’s an extra door over here.

I didn’t see this.

Hey, bud.

Oh, that’s close.

That sounds real close.

What do I got to do here?

Oh, he’s going away.

He doesn’t want anything to do with me.

Oh, good.

Oh, he’s holding the door shut.

That’s a silly prey.

You got me on that one.

Am I supposed to be able to see him if he’s close, coming at me?

Well, find somewhere to hide.

Oh, good.

What?

What is this?

Oh, I don’t love whatever that is.

That’s not a mannequin.

That’s a something else.

No, that’s definitely a new thing.

Whoa, what is this?

That’s the something that stalks the corridors.

Don’t you scare me, you son of a bitch.

Oh, great.

He’s cool.

He’s all covered in seaweed and shit.

That’s fun.

Yeah, make sure to slam the door as loud as possible.

Woo, thank god I wasn’t seen.

OK, he’s gone.

Forget him, dude.

Bump off.

Get the bump out of here, bro.

I don’t want to bump with this shit.

There’s nothing in here, man.

It’s just a place to hide.

So can I hide in all these lockers?

I don’t know.

Hey, bud.

You got something for me?

So I don’t fully understand.

Are the statues killing people, or is it just the stalker thing?

Oh, here we go.

A clock.

10 and 11 are kind of squeezed out, all right.

I don’t know.

I mean, the little guys obviously can move around.

What?

Try 10, 11.

Oh.

No.

Wait, can you hold it up to the light?

Can you?

Maybe the back?

No.

Yeah, I don’t know.

I guess maybe you’ll find something else.

Oh, like the other side of the paper or something?

Yeah.

Ain’t nobody nearby.

Not going to scare me none.

Wait, a piece of paper on the table there.

Is there?

No.

Yeah, I couldn’t do anything in this room except for hide.

Hide and pee my pants in a locker.

Fiddle-dee-dee.

There’s a magic card called Pima.

Always makes me laugh.

I’m always like, Pima pants.

And then everyone’s like, yeah, good one.

Never heard that before.

Just get out of my store.

Get out of my store.

You say Pima.

All right, maybe over here.

Maybe one of these doors is open now.

Nope and nope.

Oh, we got a fancy door.

That’s kind of cool.

Maybe that’s the captain’s quarters.

Is this demo brand new?

Yes, I believe so.

Cool.

It came out last year, which was a couple of days ago.

Did IGN give it an 8 out of 10?

You know, I don’t think IGN writes full reviews on demos

on Steam.

Maybe not.

We actually, we just did an interview with IGN.

Am I allowed to say that?

Yes.

But no details?

Well, it’s going to be a while before it airs.

OK.

Well, we’ll just say they were very, very nice.

They were very nice.

Yeah, it was really, very pleasant experience.

Yep.

They treated us right.

Do you remember that joke we were making where like,

this has nothing to do with IGN.

That was just the setting that we were in.

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But like those interviews where we

don’t know what it’s going to be about

and we don’t know what’s going on exactly.

And uh-oh.

Yeah, go ahead.

Um.

You’re on edge now.

Yeah, I am.

As a matter of fact.

Because it’s around.

Where is he?

Christmas.

I don’t know what to do now.

I got a clock.

Piece of paper.

I don’t remember seeing a clock.

That was an enthusiastic whistle.

Oh, that’s close.

That sounds real close.

He’s not close.

He’s gone.

See, he doesn’t want me anymore.

Oy vey.

Um.

Yeah, so just the idea of like going in to like one

of those professional situations where you’re

about to be interviewed.

And they’re like, OK, so the restroom

is right around the corner.

The water is available in the mini fridge.

Wait, hold on.

Your gorilla suits are hanging in the cabinet.

All right, we’ll be right back.

Schmeebydeep, we’re back.

Apologies for all the little breaks.

I was trying to get it.

The only time I had it available for a doctor call.

And it was just like so annoying.

Because it’s like they call you and then.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Was there a look through the stairs behind you?

Other way, other way, other way, other way.

Down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down,

other way, other way.

Oh.

Yeah, there’s mannequins down there, man.

Fucking.

There’s mannequins everywhere, dude.

I guess.

I guess.

I can’t go places if I have mannequins.

I just thought there was a freaky one

that we hadn’t seen before.

Nah, I’ve seen them all.

I’ve seen them all, bro.

I don’t know where to go at this point.

Like, I feel like I’ve been in all the rooms.

What happened?

Seems like guy’s following me.

Big boy’s following me.

I have a crowbar now.

Like, I got a flashlight, which means I can see.

Oh, I got the clock thing.

I don’t know what that applies to.

You got what clock thing?

Remember the paper with the clock on it?

Yes.

I don’t know what that is related to.

Maybe you’re supposed to turn on the projector?

I think I need slides for the projector.

That’s very Resident Evil.

Well, then.

But in this room, there’s a suitcase.

A sit-kiss.

A swat-kiss.

That’s got some kind of cud, and I don’t know what cud it is.

Whoops.

Can we look it up?

I don’t think so.

This game just came out.

So you said it came out a year ago.

Last year was like a couple days ago.

We’re doing that.

Got it.

No, I said it came out last year.

I didn’t say it came out a year ago.

I see.

Sorry, sorry.

We’re recording this on January 15th.

And I specifically made it clear that it was only a couple days

ago.

Because it says 2022 on the screen.

Maybe I can go in here.

Maybe there’s something here for me.

This is where the scary man was.

Oh.

Maybe there are fun things to be had.

It’s locked from the other side.

Oh.

Wah, wah.

I like when they respond.

I think it’s fun.

I think it’s sweet.

Could the statues be the dead sailors?

There are dead sailors.

Yes, but like perhaps those haven’t transformed yet.

They haven’t fully ossified.

They haven’t fully yossified.

Yossified.

We are becoming yossified on this fucking boat.

What would you do with a yossified sailor?

On the bulletin board, there wasn’t anything?

Nothing that I can interact with.

What was the bulletin board?

Oh, here.

I just got a little paper and got a little extinguisher.

Well, dang it.

Of the fire.

I want to see what this scary monster looks like.

I know, we kind of like half saw him.

But I want to see it in a setting where it’s like relaxed

and he’s not trying to kill us.

Just hanging out.

Yeah.

Like if we could like see him sipping coffee or something.

Hey, what’s up?

Oh, sorry, I was supposed to scare you.

My bad.

Listen, man, it’s my break.

I got the flashlight down there.

Well, there’s all kinds of bumps and thumps,

but oh, that’s what this is.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Gee whiz.

See, the guy’s not here.

It makes me think I’m not supposed to be here.

He ain’t responding to my calls.

Right.

I keep fucking.

Maybe it’s just not that into you.

Wait, turn around.

On the table there.

Yeah.

Here?

Is that something?

Anything?

No, it shows an icon from pretty far away.

Oh, OK.

All scraps of paper look very similar in this game.

Yeah.

Huh.

Whistle?

This is where I started.

So there’s nothing I can do here.

Yeah, I don’t think so.

So where the frump do I go to get killed by this spooky man?

I want this life to end.

If I’m trapped at sea, well, I don’t

want to see anything ever again.

Well done, Arin.

Oh, maybe down here.

Because there was like a little pathway, wasn’t there?

Oh, there’s the whistle again.

Oh, yeah.

Tweet, tweet.

It seems like, you know, it seems kind of messed up.

How so?

That like the whistling keeps him at bay or whatever?

Because you’re kind of telling him like, hey,

there’s somebody here.

It doesn’t keep him at bay exactly.

He just responds for whatever reason.

Well, they said that was the only way to keep it.

Oh, that’s right.

There’s a dead end over here.

Maybe I have a flashlight.

I can do something else.

Nope.

What a fudger.

Guy.

Guy.

I know.

Alas, poor Yorick.

Alas, poor Keidrick.

I knew you well.

Yeah, where’d that key go to?

Did you already use it?

Yeah, it was the door to get to the other area.

But now I got fucking nothing.

Maybe there’s something around here that I was looking around,

trying to find something.

Anybody around the corner?

It’s kind of funny that his whistle response is the wah, wah

noise.

Wah, wah.

He just responds with an air horn at one point.

Bah, burp.

Like, real close to your ears.

Whoa.

Ooh.

Should I hide?

Try hiding.

Try hiding.

I’ll try hiding.

There ain’t nobody in here.

But maybe he’ll come by.

Maybe it’ll trigger an event.

I don’t think he’s coming by.

I think I’m just in a stupid frickin’ locker.

Can you crawl through the crouch space?

No, you can only look through it.

Although, I haven’t looked through it in a while.

No, he can’t look through it.

Maybe it’s as cool as it happened.

Seems like he’s walking away.

He might not.

This guy sucks.

I mean, there’s only one way to get to all these places.

It’s not like there’s a fucking loop or anything.

Can you try that door that was being held shut before?

By the boards?

Well, it didn’t a door shut, and then you

were trying to open it.

And you were like, ew, he’s on the other side.

Good, good call.

I’ll go back to it.

Can’t really remember where it was, though.

Stop fucking.

Just show yourself, freak.

Where are you?

Where are you?

What happened?

He’s close.

OK, now he’s nowhere.

What, did you fucking teleport?

Well, it also said it would stop responding if he was too close.

Yeah, but I can’t see him.

Where the hay is he?

If he’s so close, why can’t I see him?

The important thing is to just keep whistling

so he knows your exact position.

Yeah, that’s what I’m saying, man.

This seems like a bad idea.

Maybe you just like to keep things jaunty.

What do you do with a whistling sailor?

Yep.

Oh, boy.

Uh-huh.

Don’t worry about me, folks.

I’m just living life.

Yeah, that was it, right?

Wasn’t it?

Yeah, on the other side.

That door you just passed.

That one was locked from the other side.

It didn’t slam.

It was over here, maybe?

No, that’s where it was.

Was it this one?

No.

Man, fuck, I can’t remember.

Now I’m all turned around.

None of these fucking things work.

I don’t have anything to interact with.

There’s a fucking guy chasing me around, making me scared.

My blood pressure is very high, and I just talked to my doctor

and told him everything was OK.

But everything’s not OK.

My blood pressure is high, and I have no one to interact with.

What is this, life?

I didn’t look over here.

My blood pressure is actually high, though.

Is it really?

Yeah, I’m fucking, I don’t, I’m eerie-ed out.

Right now, you mean?

Yeah, bro.

Have you been in general?

No, no, no.

OK, good.

I’m fucking healthy as shit, dude.

Good, good.

I’ve been boxing and everything.

You’re my special man.

I don’t want anything to happen to you.

Punching dudes?

I have been punching a lot of dudes.

Is that like a metaphor, or like a euphemism?

No, like I’ve actually been punching dudes.

Oh, OK, cool.

Man-fucking, I’ve done, man-fucking,

I’ve done all the things.

Have I done all the things or not?

It seems like I’ve done all the things.

There’s nothing more to do.

I want justice, and I can’t get it.

Whistle, you fucking guy.

This asshole.

Can you go further down the stairs?

No, it’s blocked off.

Like, for sure?

It sure looks like it.

God, man, you could hop that.

I mean, I’m with you on that.

I just feel like the game is kind of blocking me with a cock.

Yeah, I hear you.

Pretty cute.

And now he’s gone.

Oh, there he is.

Kiss?

Whistle.

It doesn’t even seem like I have to run from him.

He’s just always kind of around.

We’re just clearly missing one thing.

Yeah.

Like, I seriously have not, like I’ve been into all the places,

READ  For the peace of the kingdom

I feel like.

Clearly, I haven’t.

Except the one we’re missing.

Exactly.

Like, I can’t go through any of these doors.

I’ll try the one you were talking about.

The one that feels the most like something should be happening.

I mean, you can look up Lazaret if you want, but.

Can, all right.

I don’t think there’s going to be any fucking thing.

Maybe a Markiplier video.

Hello, everybody.

Playing this game.

It’s called Lazaret.

That’s not bad.

Thanks, man.

He does have good pronunciation of his T’s.

No, no, no, no.

Hmm.

Interesting.

Another door I can’t open.

Mm.

Mm.

Well, I just should’ve.

Does it spell like Lazaret?

No, it’s with a Z.

Oh, Lazaret.

Lazaret.

Lazaret.

Maybe it’s the same combo as last time.

What was the combo from last time?

Do you remember?

1947.

1947.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Maybe that’s what I’m fucking up.

Wouldn’t that be hilarious?

No, it’d be frustrating, and I would kill myself.

Well, OK.

That seems like an overreaction.

All right, maybe you’re taking it a little too far.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

What?

Nine.

OK, never mind.

Did you thought like a number was in the wrong place?

I did too for a second.

Nope.

1948, nine.

1947.

50.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

What if 1947 was like military time,

and the clock was saying like, now

put it back into regular time because it’s a 12 hour clock.

So that would be 247, like 0247.

No.

No, no, no, 07.

19.

Yeah, no?

19.

Yeah, because 1947 would be 747 PM.

OK.

Yeah, no.

No, no, dang.

Nah, yeah.

Well, I had a thought, and I tried something.

I had a thought, and I did it, and it didn’t work.

And it didn’t work, and I failed.

12, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11.

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I’m scared, and I don’t know.

And there’s a guy following me.

He whistles.

He goes, woo.

Fucking, I don’t know.

Did you find anything on the internet?

No, I forgot to look.

Oh, OK.

Lazarus, Lazarus demo walkthrough.

Well, I guess it wasn’t just that important to you, was it?

No, OK.

I guess I’m not that important to you.

Just like my dad.

Here’s a thumbnail of a YouTuber looking frightened

next to Lazarus demo.

See if that does anything.

What?

Do you want to pause this for a second and watch this?

Sure.

It’ll at least tell you what to do.

OK, let’s pause.

We’re back, everyone.

Hello.

I watched a YouTube video.

I skipped ahead, and he had a code, and I don’t know how.

But he had a code, the end.

OK, so we’re just going to do it.

Yeah, one, one, three, five.

All right, cool.

I don’t know why, but that’s what the code is.

It’s fine.

You got a screwdriver.

I did get a screwdriver.

Oh, now you can undo the little grate.

Yes, I can.

Oh.

Oh, he big.

Dummy thick.

Is that correct?

Is he going to be there?

Nope.

OK.

How come he just vanishes?

Like, I want to see him.

I want to see him walking around the halls.

It’s like, he’s cool.

I want to party with him.

Dude, I want to fucking crack a beer, like a brewski, maybe?

Fucking whatever.

Fucking.

I have no idea how people talk.

I just haven’t been invited to a party in, like, ever.

I just don’t understand how people do it.

The lamest dude possible.

Hey.

Hey.

Just catching up on some paperwork.

Just catching up on some reading.

Ooh, look at the moon.

Oh, that goes in the door, right?

Yeah, probably, right?

And there’s slides.

Oh, everything’s falling into place now.

I can do things.

And this is the door that’s locked from the other side.

Thank goodness.

Wee!

Woo, woo, woo, woo.

There he is.

Toodle-doo.

All right, slide time.

Slidey-slides.

Slide time.

Ooh, scary room.

OK.

So, OK.

There’s a hammer.

Maybe turn the flashlight off.

Hammer.

Oh.

There you go.

Uh-huh.

That’s the safe room.

And then there’s a radio.

OK.

So it wants me to go to the room with the safe in it

and look at the radio.

Whoops.

I can do that.

Yeah.

Uh, where was the room with the safe?

Not entirely sure.

That’s the room with the dad.

I think it’s over here.

Is it?

No, that’s the room with the briefcase.

And this is the room that the guy.

OK, so it’s not here.

Wee, wee.

Woo, woo.

Whoop, whoop.

Whoop, whoop.

Whoop, whoop.

No?

OK.

Just checking.

I’m just playing.

Tweet, tweet.

Tweety bird.

Shit, where was that room?

Oh, now I’m going to pee myself.

What a drag.

You’re always over here peeing yourself.

Oh, check it out.

Well, I might as well put the moon over here.

OK.

Well, I’m sick.

All right, sigil placed.

It didn’t open a door or anything?

No, because I need the sun as well.

Bro, you never played a fucking Resident Evil game.

Goddamn Silent Hill.

Didn’t much care for them.

I get it.

I get it, but I don’t respect it.

More of a horse club adventure type of guy.

Sure thing.

Just riding a horse around, not really no enemies.

Just vibing in my lane.

That’s right, it was over here, I think.

He’s down here.

Oh, scary man, naughty man.

Naughty, scary man.

Creature.

All right.

I wish we had better surround sound

so I could hear where he’s coming from.

Experience the magic.

Fuck, this isn’t the goddamn fuck.

Arin, you scared me.

Where the hell is the safe room?

With your unpredictable mood swings.

I feel like I’m always running into the goddamn safe room

and I can’t even fucking find it anymore.

Now the boat’s creaking and shit.

Yeah, I’d tell you, but I’m way too busy being

upset to pay attention.

Son of a bitch.

So it’s got to be downstairs, but there’s nowhere else to go.

Fuck, where was the fucking safe room?

Oh, I’m going to, what was that?

I’m going to pee myself.

Was it in here?

Is this it?

Is this it?

No.

It’s not up here, is it?

This is starting to turn into comedy.

Fucking, this is the beginning of the goddamn game.

And I fucking run at a snail’s pace.

Slug it around.

That is, are you running right now?

Yes.

Is this the run feature?

This is the run.

My goodness.

This is the walk.

Even slower, eh?

Even slower.

Wow, you were fucking running.

Wow, you were fucking right on.

I like pressed play on that.

Holy crap.

OK.

I don’t know why this is just suddenly ceased being scary

and started to get really goofy.

Well, because the game clearly isn’t going to scare you

with the guy.

I’m sure somebody’s screaming at the screen right now.

Somebody?

It’s so weird.

60% of people watching this right now.

And it can’t open any of these doors.

And the other 40% just aren’t watching anymore

because they threw their laptops out of the window.

Fucking finally.

OK.

OK.

Gas, move.

Move.

Move, can.

Get out the way.

Get out the way, can.

This is the sun.

OK.

Oh.

Juliet.

It always happens.

It always happens when you get stuff.

Yes.

It’s like you get something and then the game’s like, oh,

now he’s going to get scared.

You picked up the Sun Seagull, your Jewish neighbor.

Hello, I’m Sun Seagull.

Oh, like a last name.

Yes.

Jason Seagull.

Correct.

I thought you meant like a seagull.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, no.

Oh, dear.

Whoa, he’s so cool.

He’s awesome.

Oh, he’s very big.

Can you open that door?

You should open that door.

I’m doing it.

You should open the door.

It’s just going slow.

It’s just going slow.

OK.

It’s just going slow.

Oh, he got me.

Feels like there’s not enough time.

Oh, mammer jammer.

Yo, he’s dope, though.

Yeah, he’s cool.

Oh, he threw you through the door.

Throw me?

OK.

Throw me out.

Wherefore art thou, throw me out.

Juliet is the fucking sun, bro.

Boy, he’s bad ass.

Do you think he’ll woo me?

The violins are going crazy.

There’s so much violins.

Is he going to grab me?

Woo.

Close it.

Close it.

Oh, dear.

Boy, he’s big.

He’s a big one.

Oh, lord, he coming.

What’s he going to do now?

I don’t know.

Is he going to stab you and that’s it?

Oh, fiddle-dee-dee.

Oh.

He sure does a bad job at maintaining a grasp on me.

Wow, you know, I like that.

That was cool.

Yeah, he was dope, right?

Yeah, what a bad ass villain.

If you enjoyed the demo, consider wishlisting the game

on Steam.

It’s going to be $10,000.

Yeah.

We only need to sell three copies.

That was fun.

Yeah, man.

I enjoyed that.

I had a good time, aside from getting lost.

Yeah, and you could have like five different calls

from your doctor.

All right, next time on Game Grumps.

All right, see you later.

Congratulations to the creators of Lazaret.

Good luck with your game.

I love Pirate’s Dinner Adventure.

That was such a fun day.

It was a good time.

I don’t know when you guys want to start.

A three, and two, and one, and two, and one, and two,